Baller or dickhead?
Aldi cookies - now with added rat droppings.
You've got to admire his opportunism.
Steve Jobs is probably turning in his grave.
Terrible news all round.
So being asleep is an excuse for a multitude of crimes now, apparently.
Someone wasn't paying attention in medical school.
Turns out driving a tube train can really mess you up.
They don't call him John 'Woodcock' for nothing.
This fish is going to have straighter teeth than you.
"Good lord, Beyonce's cousin is thicker than racial tensions."
Who knew consonants and vowels could be so filthy.
Yeah, because the main reason I don't hire a private jet is convenience.
Science has spoken.
Here we go again.
Lollipop men deserve better.
Optical illusion or the real life Gandalf? You decide.
Well, that's unusual.
She has also plotted to slice off the fingers of a guard while trying to escape.
Another reason to love Uber.
How is this even possible?
'Had my own on-suite room and butler'.
Better safe than sorry.
Ever been so drunk you picked up a tree and drove it round town?
'Please accept your reward. It's so well deserved.'
Just when you thought he couldn't sink any lower.