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This MP Just Offered To Perform Oral Sex On His Constituents

John Woodcock

They don’t call him John ‘Woodcock’ for nothing.

There’s a general consensus that politicians are out to fuck us. So it’s always nice when they mix things up a little and offer to blow us instead.

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That’s precisely what John Woodcock, Labour and Co-operative MP for Barrow and Furness, did in a recent post on his official Facebook page:

The appropriately named Woodcock wrote:

I am looking forward to using the new office as a base to keep in touch with constituents from the surrounding communities and for constituents to have an alternative place to head if they are in need of head.

It’s nice to see him going the extra mile. If there’s one way you can really serve the community, it’s by sucking some dick. Everyone loves a blowjob.

Sadly it was only a typo and old Wooden Dick quickly edited the post, changing his sexy proposition to ‘in need of help’.

When the media inevitably contacted him about the error, he explained anyone visiting him for a blowie would be disappointed:

I am sorry for this embarrassing slip, and need to warn my constituents that the services I offer them do not extend that far.

Let’s be honest, he’s handled head-gate well. Being a politician is a brainy job – he’s got a lot of balls to juggle so a slip of the tongue is to be expected. Sometimes those balls and those tongue slips can come together and I bet it sucks. Five blowjob puns, in two sentences – you’re welcome.

Seriously though, what is it with politicians and talking about their sex lives recently?

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