4. The Overly Optimistic Fan

Speaking of optimism… now you have the complete opposite end of the scale. I like to think I am fairly optimistic, you know the whole glass is half full type of shit, but some people need a fucking reality check. Comparing our manager to some of the top teams’ managers should be enough for people to realise that we are not going to be good enough.

Roy Hodgson, blessed at being at the age of 19 when England won the World Cup, trying to catch up with what all the ‘cool’ managers are doing these days — but of course he still has to apply the Hodgson touch in there and make it boring and predictable.  This fan believes we genuinely have a chance because of the new young kid in the team, or because we played half decent in a friendly once against a good team. This is the fan that was talking about Italy beating Costa Rica and Uruguay as if it’s some genius theory that they’ve come up with that is going to save England’s hopes and turn is back into contenders. Let’s be realistic — we didn’t deserve to go through after the first two games, and if by some miracle we did, we weren’t going to fucking win the World Cup.

3. The Lower League Supporter

This is one of my least favourite types of fan. This dickhead believes that they can slag off absolutely everyone and individually blame players for England’s failures because the team they support is too shit to have any players in a World Cup squad for any nation.

These are the people who hold themselves in almost as high regard on the knowledge scale as the seasoned veteran due to their lack of allegiance to any England player in particular, and therefore use this position to pretty much rip into every single one with the main focus often being on how undeserving they are of their wages and how some shit youngster from their club team should be given a call up. Shut the fuck up.