New and Suitably Offensive Racial Slurs For White People

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Let down by the range of options on offer, I’ve done my best to forge a selection of entirely new slurs that sufficiently degrade me and my repugnant people:

Crowd of White People

fecal-freckle – (feh-cal frek-uhl) The jagged pronunciation of freckle makes it an ideal basis for a nice, meaty racial slur. Taking a flaw in the white’s blotchy complexion, smearing it with alliteration, assonance and shit, then hurling it right back into our pigmentally challenged faces. If handled correctly a fecal-freckle-heckle can serve as the ideal hateful accompaniment to a racially motivated attack.

variations: mother-freckle, freckle-head, gooch-freckle

verb-  freck you

example “You fvcking fecal-freckles are all the frecking same.”

snowflack –  A jibe at the white’s exterior pallor. It ends with a nice harsh sounding consonant that you can imagine rolling off your tongue and into the dismayed earshot of a pack of whites gingerly exiting a squash court.

see:

flak or flack

1. anti-aircraft fire or artillery

2. (informal) a gree deal of adverse criticism

Use “Makes me sick. Those lowdown snowflaks clogging up our dancefloors with their total disjointed unease.”

cork – A discriminative abbreviation of Caucasian. Less severe than a snowflak or fecal-freckle, but still cutting enough to stop and linguistically wound the pale.

“Get out of my town you leary good for nothing cork!”

mayonasal   A racially inflammatory adjective which simultaneously mocks and describes two of the white’s defining character flaws – their bothersome high pitched squeaking tones and their insatiable appetite for emulsified oil, egg yolk and vinegar/lemon juice based condiments.

Example “ You mayonasal frecking snowflak!”

gluecheeked – A verbal attack on the pasty colouring and texture of the average clammy, white mug.

Can also be used as a noun.

“You thuggish gluecheeked gluecheek! We don’t take kindly to your kind around here.”

I am a bit worried that non-white people reading this might take this a dig at their racial slur coining creativity. Or see this as just another power play by the white man, attempting to attack and remould even the words used to racially abuse themselves.

I would like to assure anyone that this comes from a sincere deep rooted self-loathing of the creamy blood pumping through my vanilla veins and I would be honoured if anyone out there would even consider working these slurs into their day to day justified animosity towards white people.

Keep those gluecheeked corks in their fucking place.

☛ Next: Asiana Airlines Sues Over ‘Racist’ Names In TV Report

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