Norwegian Footballer Scores Wonder Goal, Says He Plans To W*nk All Night Watching The Highlight

Norwegian footballer Ole Sæter has given one of the wildest post-match interviews in recent memory after scoring a 30-yeard screamer against Sandefjord en route to a 2-0 victory for his club Rosenborg. The 28-year-old striker revealed his plans to celebrate by w@nking himself into oblivion for the whole night as he watched highlights of the goal back repeatedly.

Ole Sæter told the interviewer on national television: “I don’t remember it. I’m going home, phone in my left hand, c*** in my right hand, I’m going to enjoy myself, it will be a late evening.”

🇳🇴😅 Rosenborg’s Ole Sæter’s completely unhinged post-match interview:

“I’m going home… Phone in one hand, cock in the other. I’m going to have fun. The night will be long.” 😮

🎥 @tv2sport pic.twitter.com/nCUc2544wt

— Football Tweet ⚽ (@Football__Tweet) April 2, 2024

What a lad. Either Ole Sæter takes prostate cancer prevention very seriously or he’s so pumped about scoring a wonder goal in the Norwegian top division that he literally needs to jerk off through the night to calm himself down a little bit. It was a pretty w@nk-worthy goal, to be fair:

OLE SÆTER BREAKS THE DEADLOCK WITH AN ABSOLUTE GOLAZO!!!
Sverre Halseth Nypan 🇳🇴(2006) with the assist!pic.twitter.com/OrGw4WrSoR

— Football Report (@FootballReprt) April 1, 2024

What I don’t understand is why Ole Sæter is using his phone to w*nk off? Surely if you’re planning an all-night w*nkathon, you might as well stick the goal up on the big screen and have it playing over and over in 4K as you go to town on yourself. Get yourself comfortable, maybe have the left hand free in case the right hand gets tired. Just seems like something you would want to do properly, especially if you’re so excited about it that you’re telling the whole of Norway (and the world) on national TV and social media.

I’m trying to think of which Premier League footballer would admit that they were going home to beat their meat over a viral goal they scored. Richarlison? Jack Grealish? William Saliba? Well, Saliba may not even wait to get home, to be fair.