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This Fossilised Daddy Longlegs Spider Kept His Erection Up For 99 Million Years

The world’s oldest and best-preserved boner has been discovered.

According to scientists who found a spider with a full-on erection encased in a shard of amber in Burma this week, the spider actually died 99 million years ago, which means he was the owner of the world’s oldest and best-preserved boner.

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According to a study published in The Science of Nature:

This is the first record of a male copulatory organ of this nature preserved in amber and is of special importance due to the age of the deposit.

Different families, and even species, [of harvestmen] can have a characteristic penis shape. In fact, penises are often even more important than the shape of the body and legs.

spider erection

The spider’s penis extends to almost half the length of its body and contains a heart-shaped head and twisted tip, used for delivering sperm to female spiders via a hole near their mouth. Wow, does that mean spiders invented jizzing on girls’ faces?

It’s unclear whether the spider, Halitherses Grimaldii, was copulating at the time of his death, but the experts reckon he got the erection about a month into puberty.

Amazing. Imagine being able to keep your boner up for 99 million years. I’m lucky if I can keep it up for half an episode of Eastenders. Definitely an amazing discovery and an incredible story for these scientists to tell when hanging out with their science buddies. Discovering the world’s oldest boner is the kind of thing that will lock down your place in the science hall of fame for sure.

For more spider boners, get a load of South Korea’s controversial Spiderman.

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