1. Kim Jong Il

This should really come as no surprise. The craziness of the unwilling star of Team America has been written about by everyone. There’s really too much to choose from, so I’ll try to pick my favourite 5 Kim Jong Il stories. Cue Top of the Pops music.

In 5 we see a non mover, according to state textbooks Kim Jong Il does not create urine or feces. In 4 up two places he created the hamburger. According to a North Korean newspaper, KJI created something called a “double bread with meat”. For this we are greatly thankful. I’ve now ran out of Top of the Pops references so we’ll just do it normally. It’s claimed that whilst he was at univeristy, Kim Jong Il wrote no fewer than 1,500 books in three years. That’s extremely impressive and I feel there’s no reason to doubt a man who is also an excellent sportsman. Apparently in  1994 Kim Jong Il in his first ever game of golf he shot a total score of 38, in which 11 were holes-in-one. This is the greatest golf score in history, after this he retired from the sport. This is probably for the best, who’d want to watch the Open if it was over so quickly. My favourite “fact” about him were his numerous names. During his reign he was given many titles, my favourites being; Party Center, Leader of the Party and the People, Guiding Star of the 21st Century, Mastermind of the Revolution, Bright Sun of Juche and Highest Incarnation of the Revolutionary Comradely Love.

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