6. GOT WOOD?
Erection levels can make or break a dick pic. No one wants to look at a limp dick-obviously- but a full-on XXX hard on can be quite alarming. Go for the middle ground, and play it safe with a semi. It’s ambiguous so the recipient won’t know if you’re a show-er or a grow-er, which is good because everyone knows that one of the main reasons you’d send the picture in the first place is because you’re proud of your dick and you want to share those inches of goodness. Just ask Kanye, who said the only regret he had about his own cheeky selfie was that he couldn’t fit the whole thing in the shot. During a radio interview he said, “Have you heard the first line of Runaway? [“She find pictures in my email / I sent this girl a picture of my, hey!”] I only rap reality! You can’t imagine how disappointed I was that I got cut off!”
7. CHECK YOURSELF BEFORE YOU WRECK YOURSELF
The last piece of advice is probably the most important of all. Checking. Check everything. Check all the above listed points. Check for photobombs. Check your manscaping. Check your hygiene levels. But above all, check who you’re sending it to… check you haven’t sent it to your mum/ boss/ twitter account/ entire contact list, because you might just end up all over the internet, and we’ve seen how that worked out for Mr. Weiner. Look at the picture you’ve just taken, then look at yourself and think “does he/she really want to see this?”. It’s never too late to rely on your personality instead.
So there you have it- the 2013 Comprehensive Guide to the Dick Pic. The long and the short of it (giggle) is that the majority of the time it isn’t really a very good idea to send a dick pic; most people get on just fine without them. But if you really feel inclined to, then for your own sake, stick to the rules. Happy sexting!