Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

[no name]

As a 17 year old lad my family and I went to visit my terminally ill Nan for the last time. Nan was lying in the hospital bed as I bent down to kiss her goodbye, I also tried to give her a cuddle at the same time but ended up accidentally gently cupping her right tit.

rustyape

Got Covid again. It’s totally worth the 6 day weekender I just found myself with.

STICKY THUMBS

I sometimes play on psn with a quiet girl that I work with who I don’t usually talk to. We were into a game late one night and I got a horn on so decided to pump out a silent danger wank to her casual gamer talk, whilst playing it cool on the mic. And we won

drhideaway

My penis is so small that when I sit down to take a 2 I have to push it down into the bowl so I don’t pee through the gap between the bowl and toilet seat and into the back of my legs and the floor #smalldickproblems

NEIGHBOURHOOD LEGEND

The first time I had sex I thought I was inside the girl but really I was in between her thighs and a Persian rug (missionary) and came everywhere. I literally lost my virginity to a carpet.

BLOOBE

My wife is so f-cking boring. All she does is stare at her phone from the moment she gets home from work till we go to bed and I can’t even moan at her because her dad has cancer

[no name]

During lockdown I got a bug which resulted in ridiculously huge, violent, explosive diarrhea. I took a picture to send to the doctor in case- absolute carnage. This was fine, until it came up on the Google Digital Photo frame during dinner with the in-laws – “Remember this Day.”

DRITCHIE

I stayed an extra stop on the tube and made myself late to work because I had a raging boner that refused to go down

MR.LEMON

My first week back as a teacher at a private primary school and I leave the room for a few seconds to let out a risky fart, and end up following through and shitting my pants. I was mortified the kids would be able to tell so I let them go to playtime early then went and dumped my boxers down the toilet. It was a pretty awful day all round.

AQUADINE

I have a secret folder on my laptop of my boyfriend’s best mate who I have a f-cked up crush on. Literally hundreds of pictures from Instagram and Facebook.

[no name]

Whenever I went to pick up child from school and I waited in the car. I always made sure both hands could be seen in view. In case one of the other parents wondered what I was doing with the unseen hand.

CALVIN789

I was stalking a friend’s mum on Facebook and accidentally hit add friend. I quickly retracted the friend request but am shitting it over whether it still notifies her. Best case scenario she clocks on that I was stalking her and makes a move on me and worst case she tells my friend and it makes for one awkward conversation

NIL SKILL

My ex who I am still in love with has started dating a 6 foot 3 MMA fighter. Can also tell from his Instagram pics that he has a massive knob. No way I can compete with that.

wing factory

I recently paid double the price for concert tickets on a resale site when there were hundreds of tickets still available on the venue site. Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!

L DOOS

My girlfriend’s older sister is a bit of a slag. The first few times I met her she made a couple passes at me and was rubbing her leg on me under the table in the pub. I’m such a good boyfriend I ignored it and what’s more never mentioned it go my girlfriend. Would love to shag her just once though.

COUSIN TERRY

I’m about to turn 40 and still behave like a 23 year old with his first real taste of what it’s like to have my own money to spend. Trust me guys, your youth goes quick. Enjoy it

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!