LIFE

Reddit User Makes Shock Discovery That He’s Been Masturbating Wrong His Entire Life

Have YOU been doing it wrong?

Learning how to masturbate is one of the most natural things in the world. No one has to teach you how you do it, you just kind of figure it out by yourself in the shower for the first time and before you know it it’s a daily routine. It’s also really good for you (well, unless you’re this guy), so you can never really wank too much.

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Unfortunately for this one guy, a maddening lack of privacy during his childhood meant that he learnt how to masturbate a little differently. Upon gaining his independence at uni and realising this for the first time, he took to Reddit to share his story with the world:

This is gigantic fuck up that has accumulated to the point where I have to untangle the fuck out of this web. So I’m a 21 year old dude that has masturbated in an odd way. Like you all know, guys stroke their shaft up and down till they climax. As a kid that grew up very sheltered and in an open space, it was pretty hard to actually masturbate. I would be constantly interrupted by my sibling or parents since they love to annoy the fuck out of me.

Anyways, the way I do it since I’m uncircumcised is I just rub the skin over the head, kind of like a pinching motion just right the top to achieve amazing orgasms. This continued on up until I was 18 and had the means to travel to another city for university. As a first year, sheltered dude, that barely even spoke to a girl, frosh week was the fucking bomb. Got smashed, girls were grinding on me at clubs, it was fucking marvellous. Now you’re probably wondering ok where is the fuck up?

Well on one of those nights a girl decided she was taking me home. We were fooling on the bus and once we got to her place, all clothes immediately fell off and I was ready to lose my virginity. I could literally feel the rush of euphoria through my veins knowing that this place is so fucking awesome. So as I was pushing my cock into her, I felt this HUGE amount of pain. I had no idea what the fuck it was but I tried again and it happened AGAIN. Lost my erection immediately after that and I proceeded to do my walk of shame back home.

Later on at home, what I found was my foreskin has never been pulled back. Like ever. So the head was SUPPPERRR fucking sensitive. I could barely let it touch water. It took three fucking years to desensitize it and since I’ve been masturbating by pinching the foreskin head, I can’t cum from just stroking it up and down. For the past 3 weeks I’ve quit porn since I heard that would help me cum from intercourse so now I just have to wait till I actually have sex to see if that’s true.

Naturally, this made for some curious conversation in the comments that followed:

1

smeg

Well, as with anything on Reddit, you can never be sure if this story is entirely true. At the same time though… who the fuck would come up with a story like this?

He was possibly inspired by the guy  who discovered he never learnt how to take a poo properly.


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