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Masturbating In Public? Not A Problem, Decides Italian Supreme Court

One man decided he fancied a tug on the monkey, and the Italian powers that be decided couldn’t help but agree with him…

Whether we like to admit it or not, pulling the middle out of yourself is as much a part of life as paying your taxes, or sending drunk texts after midnight.

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Like all things though, there’s a time and a place, and one old geezer in Italy decided that whipping out his member outside of the University of Sicilly was perfectly acceptable behaviour. The really fucked up thing however, is that the Italian Supreme Court agreed with him.

Caught exposing himself in front of a group of girls outside of the University, the man in his late 60s, known only as Pietro L, was originally fined €3,000 , and sentenced to three months in jail. Seeing as his only defence was that he only partook in this particularly hobby ‘occasionally’, and that the time of day caused ‘reduced visibility to his member’, you’d think this would be an open and closed case. You’d be wrong.

The steamy senior citizen decided this punishment was uncalled for, and took his case to the court of appeal, which they upheld. His lawyers, having none of it, decided this was one of those humanitarian cases really worth fighting for, and took the fight to the highest authority in the Italian justice system, the Supreme Court. Their response?

This act is no longer regarded as a crime by the law

Oh.

Old man with a big beard and a smile on white background

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Hear all that creaking? It’s the sound of every feminist across the world cracking their knuckles. In a move that baffles every sane and free thinking human, the Italian government decreed a law in 2014 that decriminalises the act of masturbating in public in front of women. I can think of one fella who’s happy about this.

silvio-berlusconi

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Instead, of jail time, passionate Pietro L now faces an increased fine, which has not been decided opon yet. This is a kick in the teeth to women everywhere, especially considering earlier in the year the Supreme Court made blaring loud music in your car a criminal offence.

So to summarise:  Getting your todger out for the ladies in the supermarket? If you have to. But you better stop blaring that Scooter Greatest Hits from your Peugeot 206.

Instead of indecent exposure, maybe Pietro should have invested in one of these crazy new sex robots.


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