LIFE

8 People You Will Meet In Every Gym

A handy guide to spotting all creatures great and small lurking in your gym. How many do you recognise?

The Old Women

old women at the gym

They may have dog-ear boobies that go all the way down to their cankles. They may have wrinkles deeper than the line of incest in the West Country. Damn it, they may just even be borderline incontinent. But none of this matters when it comes to the changing rooms where these mighty matriarchs will proudly roam in their birthday suits. They have no qualms about hoisting one leg onto the bench so they can do a semi-squat, attacking the task of genital drying with a fierce grit and determination last seen in the Vietnam War. They laugh at Gym Bunnies’ feeble attempts to daintily pat dry their mounds; they know all too well the horrors that a poorly dried vagina can bring.

*This may also apply to Old Men as well, but as I’ve never been allowed in the guy’s changing rooms (try as I might), I cannot confirm this.

☛ More Old People: Zombie Jimmy Savile Costume Withdrawn From Sale On Amazon

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