CHIRPSES

The British Public Are Really Stupid

Depressing but unsurprising new evidence reveals most people in this country are every bit as hysterical, gullible and easily-led as you feared.


Crime

2 Crime

Perception: Fifty-eight per cent do not believe crime is falling and 51 per cent think violent crime is rising. We don’t need Robocop, we need fucking ED-209!

Reality: Reported crime was 19 per cent lower in 2012 compared to 2006/07 and was 53 per cent lower than 1995; violent crime has fallen from 2.5million incidents in 2006/07 to 2 million last year. We’ll say that again: CRIME IS DOWN. Maybe just use Robocop for school visits.

Teen Pregnancy

1 Teenage Pregnancy

Perception: Fifteen per cent of girls under 16 get pregnant. If you’re going to encourage promiscuity by giving away free condoms and morning after pills then it’s no surprise that godless teenagers are thoughtlessly fucking this country into an over-crowded black hole.

Reality: 0.6 per cent of girls under 16 get pregnant. I guess all that free birth control wasn’t such a bad idea after all.

In summary, then: Things aren’t as bad as the scaremongers would like you to think. Don’t believe everything you’re told and check the facts every now again. Oh and don’t watch Jeremy Kyle, that nonsense will make you hate your neighbour faster than you can say: “misanthropy”.

Oh and British People Are Really Fucking Stupid. But the existence of the X-Factor pretty much confirmed that a while back.

☛ Read Next: Jeremy Kyle Headlines We’re Yet To See

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