NOT THE NEWS

Alcoholics Are Now Being Treated With Wine

Where do I sign up?

In some more positive news of the day, alcoholics in the city of Ottawa are being treated with wine. Now, let’s just look at that situation for a moment. Alcoholics fucking love boozing. They are certified booze-hounds by their own admission. They LOVE getting fucked up. So, what’s the best way to try and help someone who LOVES getting fucked up? Get them fucked up! Genius. Where do I sign up?

Featured Image VIA

At exactly half past the hour, what’s known as “the pour” begins. A measure of Californian white – 13% alcohol, made on the premises – is measured into a jug from a draft tap behind the counter. One at a time, the wine is dispensed to nearly 50 alcoholics. For the first pour at 7.30am, most residents get a kickstarter of 7oz – nearly 200ml, a larger-than-average sized glass of wine in Europe. For the rest of the day until 9.30pm, they are given 5oz – just over 140ml.

Jesus fucking Christ. Why am I still here writing stupid blog posts? Why am I not in Ottawa hanging out with a bunch of wrong’uns getting boozed up for free. And encouraged to do so!

Alcoholic Bingo

Image VIA

One regular at the centre said:

It’s not bad, the wine here. Out on the streets I was drinking mouthwash, hairspray. It didn’t taste good, but all I wanted was the effect. I don’t drink that stuff anymore – it makes me feel sick to think of it. And I drink much less here.

Absolute fair play to this guy. He must feel like he’s won the lottery. One day you’re drinking hairspray just to catch a buzz (wtf?) and now you’ve been given what sounds like decent wine every hour. Look, I’m not encouraging the life of a highly functional alcoholic, but if someone told me the only way to get better was to start the day with a large glass of Malbec, I would not be one to argue.

Now check out this fucked up geeza projectile pissing while being arrested in London. Proper, proper wrong’un.

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