Complaining about complaining is annoying as fuck but it needs to be said. The absolute worst thing about social media is that you have to see your mates, colleagues and family incessant whining over the smallest things.
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One girl on my Facebook seems to upload a photo literally every time she has a bruise, which is seemingly every day. Another thinks it’s appropriate to update her status about the price rise at her local car park, babe it’s called inflation and I honestly couldn’t give less of a shit about how much parking costs in Burton-on-Trent. The worst culprits are the (non-literal) babies who beg for people to bring them food or complain about their hangovers every Sunday, you’ve only got yourself to blame love.
I get that things are relative but it’s these very people that aren’t aware or don’t have an opinion on the current atrocities that are happening in the world such as all the innocent people being killed by the police over in the US or the fact that the UK government seems to be going to shit. Even when things aren’t this bad, there are still more worthy things to gob off about than how Elaine at work never offers to do the tea round.
Look, we’re not talking about starving children in Africa or any of the obvious stuff here, just there are many more people out there with much more of a reason to complain than you so consider yourself lucky.
This one goes out to all the people I’ve muted or unfollowed over the years. Feel free to do the same to me.
1. The Son Of The Dude Who Owned The World’s Most Expensive Shirt
Obviously in life this dude’s Dad had it way better than you because he owned a shirt made from actual gold that cost him $250,000 but his son got the shit end of the stick. His show-off father was invited to a party with his 22-year-old kid and was then beaten to death by a group of up to 12 people. Imagine having to witness your pap getting killed after having to be known as the “son of the guy who owned the gold shirt” for the past few years, wounder.
2. The Boy Who’s Face Got Ripped Of By A Dog Whilst Taking A Selfie
Most times when I try to take a selfie with a pooch, the worst that will happen is that they get over excited and blur the stupid image with their giddy movements. Never would I ever imagine that my face would be ripped off by a dog but that’s what happened to this kid after he tried to take a Snapchat photo with his mate’s Dad’s dog, Digby. FFS.
3. Two Pokémon Go Players Fell Off A Cliff Whilst On The VR App
Even though the augmented reality smartphone app’s loading screen issues a warning to players for them to stay alert and aware of their surroundings, two guys in California have managed to fall down a cliff whilst chasing Pokémon. Imagine if you were minding your own business on your phone and you’d fallen down the side of a cliff, you’d feel stupid as hell. Or you would, if you weren’t in so much pain or constantly pulling rubble from your grazes for the following months.
4. The Dude Who Died From Having His Balls Squeezed For 5 Minutes Non-Stop
Occasionally my boyfriend pisses me off every now and then – mostly when he sticks snack wrappers down the side of the bed – but never have I felt the urge to grab his balls tightly enough to kill him. This is exactly what one woman did to her poor husband who was pronounced dead from suffocation on arrival to the hospital. Brutal.
5. The Woman Who Was Groped By An Ape
Getting unwillingly groped by a person is bad enough – but an orangutan?! I’m sorry but that is beyond creepy. Unfortunately that’s exactly what happened to one visitor to Bangkok’s Safari World in Thailand and there’s video evidence to prove it. Grim af.
6. This Woman Who Got Arrested For Having Sex Too Loudly
A Pennsylvanian woman by the name of Amanda Marie Warfel was recently thrown in jail for having really loud sex. We’re not talking a few moans loud either, like shaking her neighbours furniture loud. Nothing to ruin a good lay like getting chucked in the slammer afterwards.
7. The Wife Of The Dude Who Has A Sex Doll Mistress
Getting cheated on is bad enough but when your hubby has literally given up on living human beings, that’s bound to give you some sort of complex. It’s not even like he tries to keep it a secret either, he takes his lifeless lover on full blown walks and shopping trips. Wonder what his two kids think to all of this.
Still finding something to moan about? Consider getting yourself a diary so we don’t have to hear it.