One came to a Citizen to buy a Mat, and shewing him many, he liked them not; then he to jeer the Country Fellow, brought forth his Daughter Mat, and told him, this was all the Mats he had: “No,” says he, “I must have one that has not been lain upon.”

2015 translation: A guy wants to buy a mat, but doesn’t like any of the ones the mat-seller has. So then they get the mat-seller’s daughter, who is also named Mat (what?), and the guy buying says, “Yeah, I don’t want a Mat that someone has lain upon. In the sex way. Because your daughter has obviusly slept with some dudes.” Meh.