Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #221

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The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box – every week we’ll be posting our favourite ones.

dingling

Backpacking in Amsterdam around 2 am. One guy carrying his two friends piggy back and they fell down a HUGE set of stairs. Guy carrying ended up with his shin bone poking through his leg. So gross and I still remember it to this day (20 years ago, I’m old)

xbowserx

After I have sex I always put on my tracksuit afterwards because my post-sex dick shrivels up to the size of a cashew nut.

under_pressure

When I was 21 I wore a whole suit for an interview at the local supermarket. I was desperate asf. The man didn’t even bring me into an interview room. He interviewed me standing up in one of the isles and then said he’ll let me know (he never did). I walked out of there with 0 pride.

justafool

I have a weird habit of pissing in other people’s sinks at house parties. Can’t seem to break the habit because drunk me thinks it’s hilarious

wrex h

Drove back home with some girl that’s been flirting with me so I’ve been doing the same back… anyway I squeezed into this super tight parking space and she was so impressed she said ‘you are an amazing driver I definitely would have hit that car’. That shit made my day, best compliment I ever received.

kid

Scarred4life

My aunt told me that she and my mum used to tickle my dick when I was a baby and I’d get a mini erection and the whole room would start laughing. Not sure how I feel about that…

mr tomato

I fantasise about kidnapping people who have wronged me, tying them up in a shed and torturing/interrogating them over why they are such dicks. Is that normal or do I have some mental health issues going on?

Con 7

retro adam

Once I was having sex with my girlfriend in reverse cowgirl while I worked her arse with a butt plug. We got a bit carried away and I ended up losing the butt plug inside her arse prompting the biggest panic freak out ever on her part. In the end I calmed her down and managed to pull it out along with that day’s poop. Surprisingly we are still together and all the closer for it.

Okidoggirl79

I think I’m a high-functioning Dead Kennedys addict. What happened was, almost 2 years ago now, I started listening to their songs just for fun. In addition to making punk rock my new fave genre, I also couldn’t stop thinking about them specifically. Anywho now I can’t go 2 hours without looking at Jello Biafra pics (he’s my biggest musician crush who I like better than sayt Colin Abrahall or Josh Freese or one of the guys from T.S.O.L. whatever which is rlly saying something) and I’ve memorized every song backwards ‘n forwards!! I also have to hide this obsession from my dad somehow (a few of my BFFs have given me DK shirts and I wear them to sleepovers and stuff) and I also print out Dead Kennedys pictures on the family computer and gorilla glue them to the wall inside my closet w/out my parents noticing somehow. My mom and dad know that I like them but if my father somehow finds out (like if he discovers the 1,079 pics of them on my phone) he’s gonna be rlly disappointed in his tween daughter

highlymotivated

I used to piss on the back of my calves every time I took a shit. Took a while to realise that it’s because my dick doesn’t hang low enough into the bowl so when I pee it passes through the gap underneath the toilet seat.

comatoes

My girlfriend gently scratches my balls with her fake nails when she gives me head and it’s the most amazing feeling ever.

grung1

When I go to the gym I literally force myself to look at the ground because there’s so many sexy women of all ages exercising in skimpy clothes if I look at them long enough I get a boner

tonianking

I met up with an old school friend who I hadn’t seen in 3 years since school finished. He was always a bit weird but a safe guy. Anyway the second time we met he brought his little sister along to the pub who had grown into quite the fittie. Somehow she invited me to visit her at her uni during the week and her bro didn’t object or even react to it at all. On the day I was going up there my friend sends me a Facebook message and says he knows his sister wants to bang me, and he’s OK with it as long as I don’t ‘film it and put it on YouTube’. He basically organised and gave me his blessing to bang his little sister.

MEGABUM

Once I was coming back from visiting a girlfriend in glasgow on a megabus over night, her mum had made me this dog awful chilli (she boiled the mince)…it smelt so gross. Anyway after I finished the boiled mince and undercooked rice I got on the megabus. About 3am I woke up as I need to be sick fast BOTH ENDS. I destroyed the toilet, like it looked like a bomb hit it. No one on the coach was awake..about an hour after my fight with the bog and old woman went in the toilets and freaked out massively. The coach pulled over and the driver was questioning everyone to figure out who did it. When it was my turn I basically grassed in a drunk Scottish guy who was asleep at the back of the bus….the driver kicked him off the coach. Don’t regret it

Spanky

When I first started wanking I didn’t know what cum was so I would just jizz on the floor of my parents’ house and let it dry up wherever I left it. They thought it was the dog.

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Leave your confession(s) for next week in our submission box HERE.

See you next Friday!

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