Ridiculous And Ultra-Violent Bible Verses From Genesis

The bible: violent, sexist, racist, warmongering torture… and love, of course.

Islam, as a religion, is getting a lot of flack at the moment; unsurprisingly. In case you haven’t noticed there are a bunch of cunts legging it about and killing people in the name of Allah. According to them, they are acting in the name of their holy book.

Of course, it is only the tiniest proportion of Muslims that have decided this is the way to respond to the teaching of the prophet. But the entire religion is being tarred with their shitty, shitty brush.

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My opinion is that rather than all Muslims getting a hard time for the violent shit on their holy book’s pages, we should give all religions shit for being so utterly violent and mental.

It might be Muslims who are currently providing a portion of terror, but a few decades back, the UK had catholic and protestant terror in Northern Ireland. Further back than that, the Catholic church were marauding bastards, stealing entire countries, raping and killing as they went.

The problem isn’t Islam, the problem is humans. Humans do these things because they decided that’s what a non-existent god told them to do. No religion is inherently bad, because it’s all bullshit that was written in the desert centuries ago. It’s the humans who interpret and act it out that are the twats.

So, to even the keel, I thought it might be a nice aside to take a look at some overly violent bible verses, just to remind any conservative Christians out there that their book is just as cunty as the koran.

A lot of these just paint the Christian god as a vicious, jealous little man:

Genesis 7:4

God created everything, but he’s already unhappy with the way his “perfect” invention is going:

Every living substance that I have made will I destroy.

Seems a bit unfair on the animals? And what about the bacteria and insects goddamit? Don’t do it! Too late…

Genesis 7:21

All flesh died that moved upon the earth.


Genesis 12:17

Bible And Dinosaur

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What would you do to a Pharaoh who fell for another man’s lie? This?:

And the LORD plagued Pharaoh and his house with great plagues.

That seems totally reasonable.

Genesis 18:32

Sodom and GOmorrah

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God decides he’s going to destroy the town of Sodom. Why? Well, he’s never been too keen on the bum-chum stuff. When asked to save the city he says:

I will not destroy it for ten’s sake.

In other words, if they could find ten good people, the town would be saved. It seems he doesn’t count children through, I guess they are evil from birth? Fuck the children and the animals, when god’s angry he will kill the lot of them.

Genesis 19:6

There’s this guy called Lot, he’s a good guy according to the bible. Two angels come to see him one day at his house, which is nice. Some of the other boys in town like the look of these (male) angels and want to bum them. Lot will not agree to it because, as we mentioned, he is “just”.

So, instead, he offers up his daughters to get raped by the men. Lot says:

“…do unto them [his daughters] as is good in your eyes.”

So they do. I mean, it’s bad that Lot did that, but if you ask me it’s much worse that two angels just chilled out inside whilst that was going on. Surely angels have some powers? Or at least a hotline to the big guy? Totally fucked.

Genesis 19:24

Lots Wife Pillar Of Salt

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So, god decides to smash Sodom and Gomorrah to bits because all the humans are naughty. He uses:

fire and brimstone from the Lord out of heaven.

Nice. But he spares Lot’s family because they were the only good guys, apparently. God tells them not to look back as they scamper to safety, but Lot’s wife decides to take a peak, the DISOBEDIENT BITCH. So god punishes her.

What would be a fair punishment for sneaking a look at your burning town? That’s right. He turns her into a pillar of salt. Yeah, a pillar of salt. Weird.

Genesis 38:8

Every Sperm Is Sacred

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Ever wondered why having a tommy tank is so bad? Hmmm? Why is yanking the plank such a naughty, naughty pastime? Well, a lot of it has to do with the following story, which rarely gets read in Sunday school:

God decided to kill Judah’s first born son, a guy called Er. We don’t know why god wanted to kill him, but he did, so Er got killed.

After God killed Er, Judah tells Er’s brother, Onan to “go in unto they brother’s wife.” But “Onan knew that the seed should not be his; and … when he went in unto his brother’s wife … he spilled it on the ground…. And the thing which he did displeased the Lord; wherefore he slew him also.”

So Onan didn’t want to impregnate his recently deceased brother’s wife, so he shot his load on the ground instead; that made god angry enough to kill him? What the actual fuck, guys? Are any Christians reading this shit? Fuck me sideways.

They base their entire way of life, their belief system, their morals on a book that is this fucking mental. And bare in mind, I have only covered small sections of just the first book. There’s so much more madness in there. But we only get told about Adam and Eve, Moses, Samson and Delilah, Noah and the flood. They conveniently leave out the batshit mental stuff.

Although, to be fair, Noah’s flood, when you think about it, was totally fucked. God (who invented everything) decided he hadn’t done a very good job and all the humans were evil, so he tried to think of a plan (bearing in mind he can do ANYTHING because he is GOD). He couldn’t come up with anything particularly great, so he decided to kill EVERYFUCKINGTHING, except 2 of each animal and a family of humans.

And we just go… oh yeah… Noah and the flood, I like that story. We shouldn’t accept it: it is totally fucked.

… and for any Christians out there that think I will be punished by GOD for writing such blasphemy: I bet I won’t.


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