LIFE

If This Applies To You, Your Life Has Become A Massive Crock Of Shit

It’s always best to forge ahead and get things done… actually fuck that, that’s bullshit. Sometimes it’s fine to fuck it off.

Sometimes in life you work hard, you make sensible decisions, you go to bed early, you get to work early, you buy gifts for friends and you don’t get hammered every night.

In these situations karma should be in your corner, she should be on your team giving you a back massage. But that bitch is fickle with a capital F I C K L E. She does a shit on you from the high wire, it seems, at total random.

It’s sometimes difficult to know whether you should just carry on working your nutsack off, or just fuck it off and chill. These are the types of decisions which plague me daily. Do I run for the train, or do I roll a blunt and deal with it tomorrow?

Who knows what the best way to go about it is? It’s often too close to call. So here are a few ways to tell you’ve gone too far and you need to pack it in. They’re just a few signals which if you receive you should seriously contemplate changing some shit up.

I’m not talking about ditching the job, the house and the woman, running off to Bali or killing someone, I just mean shake it up. Actually, just to really clear it up and clarify something, I’m not talking about suicide here, never do that. Please, for fuck’s sake. I’m just saying, get your chill on mate.

Let’s go:

Jealous Of Tramps

Your Life Is Screwed - Day Drinking

Image VIA

Imagine this: you’re walking through the park at 8:30 am; you’re on your way to work with furrows in your brow deeper than the Mariana trench. You see a couple of homeless gents drinking Special Brew on a bench.

Most normal people who witness this sort of thing feel a mixture of sadness and pity. If, however, you feel a twinge of jealousy, it’s time to rethink your situation.

My advice: Get a new job, or take a week off sick to try street drinking. See how it would work out for you before taking the big jump. Perhaps fake an illness that’ll take a week to get over, and then just get involved in the tramp juice big time.

Word of warning: Don’t get spotted in the park chugging scrumpy at 9:00 am by family members, your boss or partner.

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