As many of you know, having likely read it on pretty much every major website in the world – including the famous Sick Chirpse, courtesy of Lazer Horse – Minami Minegshi of the Japanese pop sensation ‘AKB48’, shaved her head in an attempt to apologise for her ‘bad behaviour’. But why? Yes, Japan can be absolutely fucking mental, but is the fact that she had a boyfriend a justifiable reason for taking such extreme behaviour?
Us dirty westerners have generally said that actually, her response was perhaps just a teeny-tiny step too far. So what if she has a boyfriend, right? She’s a 20 year old woman, and she probably likes getting laid just as much as the rest of us. In fact, when I was 20, I was in my second year of uni, and spending far too much time smoking up and playing pro evo with my mates, rather than getting balls deep in the questionable student ‘talent’ that I was surrounded by. To this day, I regret allocating my funds towards keeping a steady supply of Reese’s chocolate cups, Dr Pepper, Doritos, cereal, and king skins, instead of getting on the whiskey cokes and chirpsing the girls who occasionally looked at me during lectures, and TOTALLY WANTED TO BONE, BRO.
To be fair, I had a girlfriend anyway, so whatever, and I’m also way off topic now. But my point is, we all like to get some, so why shouldn’t the 88 members of AKB be allowed to indulge themselves too? Basic human rights, right? Clean water, food, medical care, education, and getting to bang pretty much whenever you want. Well, in Japan, the general opinion hasn’t really followed what you would expect, with the large majority of people saying that she deserves to be punished, and has stepped way out of line in her role as an ‘idol’.
☛ Japan Is Messed Up: Japan Loves Mentally Scarring Its Kids
Why? She originally released a tearful apology video in which she begged for forgiveness and that she would do ‘anything to stay in the band’. This wasn’t released on her private youtube channel though, but instead on that of the band itself, which has since been made private at her fans’ request. Should a girl be this upset simply for having a boyfriend? I don’t think so. Every member of the band, as well as those in similarly shitty and annoying J-Pop get ups generally sign contracts stipulating ‘no dating’, so that they can present the idea to their largely middle-aged male fan base that they are both sexy and attainable, whilst also pure and reserved.
Their millions of fans vote constantly in online polls as to who is the best member, whilst product sales and web page hits also determine who is the most ‘liked’, and basically, who lines the pockets of the dickhead in charge most generously. Put into context, the top members earn around ¥15-20 million (about £100,000) a year, whilst collectively, AKB48 generated total merchandise sales of ¥19.1 billion (around £135million) in 2012 alone.
Who’s getting fucked here? Is it Minami’s boyfriend? No. Definitely, definitely no. It’s the girls themselves, exploited to the max, not only financially, but also in that they are presented as sexual objects to their fans to create an fake image of sexuality, yet banned from sex themselves. WTFUCK? Imagine you were getting paid to get your knob out for 40 year old women all day, and when you finally knocked off and wanted to chill, you weren’t even allowed to go out and get messy with someone you actually found attractive. You’d quit that job quicker than Joey Barton learnt how to speak fluent French, right?
☛ More Weird Japanese Stuff: Enter The Lovable, Occasionally Bonkers World Of Japanese TV Advertising
Anyway, as many of you – and by many, I mean every single one of you, you filthy animals – probably know from your daily trawls of tube8, redtube, youporn etc etc etc (I could go on for another page here), the image of a young, submissive woman is what gets Japanese guys excited. Perhaps also massively long pubes too, but that’s a story for another day.
For a country with the third largest economy in the world and a population of 125 million, why the fuck then, is it only ranked 101 out of 135 nations, in terms of gender equality? Because of shit like this, in which a young girl – who isn’t even that fit anyway – is made to shave her head and remove her most obvious marker of femininity as ‘an act of penance’. Which I guess I should add is usually used to show that you want a fresh start, but in extreme cases to separate oneself from the mainstream world and to apologise from the bottom of your soul.
Ironically, before this happened she was most well known for the song ‘わたしはわたし’(I Am Me), but it’s pretty clear she’s just another corporate robot who’s not given any individuality at all. After her trip to Alan Shearer’s hairdresser however, one thing’s for sure – I for one, definitely wouldn’t bang her now.
☛ More Haircuts: Mario Balotelli Gets A Haircut