7. ALL BEACHED WHALES AND STURGEONS BELONG TO THE REIGNING MONARCH: LAW
Get your beady mitts off that beached whale and/or sturgeon, it belongs to the queen. I don’t know what she’s going to do with it, but I’m sure it’s really kinky.
This one dates back to Edward II as well. He was a busy man in regards to creating laws that would be funny in the future and sleeping with a vast array of women and men. Don’t hate the player, hate the game. Along with dolphins and porpoise, whales and sturgeons are considered royal fish, and as such they are the personal property of the reigning monarch. Sturgeon eggs are used to make caviar, a tool of bourgeois oppression.
The law states that all sturgeons and whales should be first offered to the reigning monarch, to see if they are up for keeping them, and if not you can have them to do something weird with. These days it’s probably best to offer them to the Natural History Museum. Either that or you could hollow it out and turn it into an eco home — with house prices as they are you cant go wrong.
