4. A Pretend Girlfriend/Boyfriend
Annoying ex-partners who “coincidentally” bump into you far too often, make fake Facebook profiles just to stalk you and constantly berate your friends for information are literally the worst. If you’re suffering from a needy old flame who won’t take a hint then it’s about time you took matters into your own hands. Momentarily distract them from their lonely desperation with the Invisible Boyfriend or Invisible Girlfriend app. For seventeen quid a month you can customise their new pretend admirer to be exactly like you, except they’d actually respond to their creepy text messages and act like they’re enjoying it.
Whilst they’re preoccupied by their new faux lover, you can finally get on with your hassle-free life without them. However if they don’t own a smartphone then you’re either going to have to get in touch with Cilla Black or completely change your identity and book a permanent holiday to Cuba.