Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.
Let’s go…
MR SHARP
The best part of my day is taking a massive shit in this hidden bathroom I found on an empty floor in my office building. I take my time, read my phone, sometimes have a wank, etc. Afterwards I feel refreshed and ready to face the rest of my day. I feel a bit guilty not telling my colleagues about his hidden paradise, but if other people start using it, it’s specialness will be ruined for good.
[no name]
When I worked at Tesco I would duplicate the receipts of customers who didn’t use Clubcards and out the points on to mine. It got to the stage I had so many points I was regularly getting vouchers for £20+ off and practically got my weekly shop for free.
[NO NAME]
I’m a teacher, early primary. This week a kid took a shit on the floor in the toilets and the smell was so bad as my class walked past my autistic kid threw up on another teacher. I told his mum and she said yeah, he has a sensitive gag reflex.
RIGHTSTICK
I wish my girlfriend had fitter friends so I wouldn’t have to avoid the question of why they’re always single and why I don’t introduce them to my friends. And so I could jerk off to them.
[NO NAME]
I got a three month pack of contact lens fluid from Boots that was marked down from £23 to £6. Two weeks later an email told me there was a product recall on the fluid as they could not guarantee the sterility. I carefully peeled off the £6 sticker and got a £23 refund.
DOINK
I used to have this red hand towel that I used to clean up with after having a wank. I hid it in the bottom drawer of my desk. It was covered in jizz stains. One day I came home to discover it had been washed by my mum and neatly folded on my bed. We never spoke about it.
[NAME WITHHELD]
I found out the kid I used to bully in school became a police officer in our area so I immediately friended him on Facebook to make sure we’re cool. He was a bit weirded out but don’t think he holds a grudge
WHITENOISE
My girlfriend wasn’t in the mood so I paid her £20 for a blowjob and she graciously accepted
YES ROUNDTREE
I was on a team building trip with work when my boss’s phone died and I stupidly said she could use mine to look up closing times. I’m 99% sure from the look on her face that she saw something dodgy in my search history.
RESISTANCE
I had sex with a known slag 3 years ago (self confessed slag) who told me she had herpes before we had sex. Guess what? I didn’t get herpes. I live life on the edge!
NYAHWB24
I was drinking at a buddy’s house a few months ago, and in the middle of the night I got up to pee.( I was black out at this time) I started to piss in the corner of his room. When I realised what I was doing I stopped for a second and then said fuck it and finished pissing. He doesn’t know about it but he is wondering why his room smells like pee.
[no name]
When I was 11, I used to type ‘ass’ into google images and have a wank, then follow it up with a search for ‘assassins creed’ so my parents thought I was innocently interested in the history of the assassin brotherhood.
WREX H
Drove back home with some girl that’s been flirting with me so I’ve been doing the same back… anyway I squeezed into this super tight parking space and she was so impressed she said ‘you are an amazing driver I definitely would have hit that car’. That shit made my day, best compliment I ever received.
TWAT
My friends all chipped in to get me a hooker for my 17th as I was the only virgin left in the group. They were all in the front room as I was supposedly losing my virginity in the bedroom. The truth is we spent the whole time talking because I was so nervous that I couldn’t get properly hard. I obviously told my friends I banged her though
UNDER_PRESSURE
When I was 21 I wore a whole suit for an interview at the local supermarket. I was desperate asf. The man didn’t even bring me into an interview room. He interviewed me standing up in one of the isles and then said he’ll let me know (he never did). I walked out of there with 0 pride.
RETRO ADAM
Once I was having sex with my girlfriend in reverse cowgirl while I worked her arse with a butt plug. We got a bit carried away and I ended up losing the butt plug inside her arse prompting the biggest panic freak out ever on her part. In the end I calmed her down and managed to pull it out along with that day’s poop. Surprisingly we are still together and all the closer for it.
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You are forgiven! See you next Friday.
[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).
