I don’t know how it’s possible for anyone to dislike Keanu Reeves even a little bit, but Matthew Perry seems to really hate the guy given what he’s written in upcoming memoir Friends, Lovers, And The Big Terrible Thing.

In a passage obtained by Page Six, Perry writes the following:

‘Why is it that the original thinkers like River Phoenix and Heath Ledger die, but Keanu Reeves still walks among us?’

Um, that’s a weird thing to say. Does Matthew Perry know that Keanu was close friends with River Phoenix? Does he actually wish Keanu Reeves was dead? Does he genuinely wonder why River Phoenix and Heath Ledger are dead, and Keanu Reeves isn’t? Because there’s a pretty simple explanation for that – Keanu was never taking copious amounts of drugs.

Keanu once called Phoenix one of his ‘closet friends of that era,’ but Perry also had a strong connection with him after they appeared in 1988’s A Night In The Life Of Jimmy Reardon. Is Perry jealous of their friendship? Is he jealous of Keanu’s career? Did Keanu bang his bird or something? It’s just mind-boggling that he’d write something like that. In another excerpt, Perry writes the following about Phoenix:

River was a beautiful man inside and out and too beautiful for this world, it turned out. It always seems to be the really talented guys who go down.

Hopefully we’ll get some more context to this apparent Matthew Perry/Keanu Reeves beef once the memoir is out next week. Although I feel it’s probably one-sided because I can’t imagine Keanu Reeves feeling resentful toward anyone. Could be that it’s an inside joke Matthew Perry is running through the book? Or could be that years of drink and drug abuse have turned Perry into a bitter old loser. Let’s hope it’s the former because we all want to love Chandler Bing in real life too.

Elsewhere in the book, Matthew Perry describes being given a 2% chance to live when his colon burst due to drug abuse. Jeez.