While some party officials have moaned that the facekinis could be used by bank robbers, wily traders have claimed that they can be effective in warding off sea creatures as well as melanomas. Orange ones are apparently best for that… Say ‘sea creature’ to me and I’m thinking some massive fuck off kraken, and they don’t strike me as being put off by a bit of lycra stretched over someones boat. Anyway, they sell a shedload of them, in various colours, patterns and degrees of UV protection. So that’s alright.

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