So, while we on these British shores are facing a musician from our youth’s on-going court proceedings for conspiracy to rape a one year old; it would appear our seceded Yankie brothers and sisters are facing a musician from their youth being arrested on conspiracy to murder his estranged wife. Now, we’ve covered a lot of conspiracies recently but they’ve been more your Illuminati, Jay-Z and chemtrails style conspiracies — not the actual conspiring kind.
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I’m good with conspiracies, or rather, I’m good at letting my paranoid thoughts get out of control and conspire against me. Thankfully, I’m such a narcissist that they only ever revolve around me, people I know and my strained grasp on reality. So you and I can be quite content in the knowledge that my self-absorption will probably prevent my delusions from running amok in the political and societal realms; you can pull off sanity with paranoia, until you start proclaiming every world leader is a lizard or that the Illuminati runs hip hop — they’ve better things to run, silly.
Anyway, I’ve already said too much — you know too much. To distract you, I’ll get back to the point at hand; As I Lay Dying’s frontman Tim Lambesis has been arrested on account of conspiring to murder his wife. For those who are unfamiliar with As I Lay Dying, they’re an American metalcore outfit who take their name from William Faulkner’s novel of the same name. Their most successful album to date is 2007’s An Ocean Between Us, they can boast a few tunes of badass quality, oh, and they’re a Christian metal act. I know, right?
Now, no one likes finding out members of bands they like are arseholes, let alone an attempted murderer (unless you’re into Norwegian black metal that is), but so too no one likes it when members of bands they like are wrongfully arrested — as was the case with Lamb of God’s Randy Blythe. So, let’s look at the case as it currently stands.
Lambesis and his wife Meggan have been going through an, apparently, amicable divorce since September of last year when Meggan initially filed for divorce; the couple have three adopted children together from Ethiopia. So, you’ve got a happy couple, Christian values, Grammy nominated success and their adopted children, unfortunately the relationship doesn’t work out and a divorce is necessary, but amicable — where does a murder plot fit into that scenario?
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Well, it seems all was not quite well according to reports from Meggan’s lawyer and the divorce files; they indicate that in August last year Lambesis contacted his wife via email to tell her he did not love her anymore and that he no longer believed in God and it soon became apparent that Lambesis was having an affair and had been involved in numerous affairs. The divorce files also allege a change in Lambesis’ behaviour involving absent mindedness when looking after the children alone (being constantly on the phone, or falling asleep in public leaving them unsupervised), expensive last minute flights across country to see girlfriends, excessive gym time over other responsibilities and spending thousands on tattoos.
Of course we can all understand those last two, who doesn’t want to get ripped and covered in ink? You should see me, man I’m… well, I’ve somehow managed to be skinny and fat at the same time with a student’s budget of tattoos dotted around my arms and legs, but I swear man, this summer I am getting tanked! Probably. Maybe. All things considered, these are concerning changes and grounds for divorce but not evidential of a decision to think organising murder is a sound idea. I mean, not all newfound atheists take to murder because they don’t fear Hell anymore — I haven’t killed anyone in years.
With regards to the arrest though, the allegations are that Lambesis felt his wife was drawing out the divorce and making it difficult for him to see his children — who he was still seeing for at least ten hours a week. A difficulty that resulted in such frustration that it is alleged Lembesis stated to a fellow gym enthusiast that he wanted to kill his wife numerous times at the end of April — something Lambesis’ lawyers are claiming as a set up. The main set piece though is his hiring of a private detective, whom he apparently believed to be a hitman — allegedly giving an envelope with a $1000 into an undercover agent with instructions on how to kill his estranged wife alongside photos of her, an address, a security gate code and dates he would be covered by the alibi of looking after the kids.
It’s an unusual one this, but then again, maybe that’s just because I have an awareness of the Lambesis through a liking of his band — this is not likely uncommon practise, especially in America, eh? I’m curious to see how this pans out as more evidence comes to light, bail is currently set at $3,000,000. If Lambesis is guilty of the alleged, I’m sure he’ll be regretting not following Sick Chirpse’s advice when hiring a hitman — use the deep web, it’s wholly anonymous.
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Now that I’ve reminded myself that that service exists again, I think I’ll go back to being unable to sleep, watching every step, checking every corner and treating everyone as a hostile. Oh, wait — I do that anyway. One last note though, sometimes the love of fans is the most blind:
Tim has been my hero since I was 13, and when I heard about this shit, I was in shock to say. I didn’t even wanna believe it was true, but it is. Even though I believe it is true, I still support him. Not because I approve of murder, but because I don’t feel that I have any right to judge him, after all the crazy shit he has been through. If the person I loved was trying to take me for all I had, I’d flip out too. Tim has always been hero, and I will continue to support him in his darkest hour.
And sometimes it’s love that creates the greatest conspiracies:
he was going through a messy divorce. he emailed her and ended it saying he didn’t believe in God or love her. his wife was subtweeting gossip rumors about him recently. her brother is a Sherrif’s deputy. they tried to throw the book at him at first. life sentence, no bail?? he has ZERO criminal history! now it makes sense to me how they might have him on tape and make it stick in court. S E T U P or at the very least very suspicious.
God bless YouTube.