I wasn’t really that pumped about the Olympics before that killer opening ceremony (except when Paul McCartney fucking screwed it up completely at the end) but since then I’ve just been sitting in front of iPlayer watching loads of dope events and getting really excited about it. I think my favourite so far has been women’s weightlifting because the women were so powerful and had huge necks and it was just crazy. I really enjoyed the waterpolo and beach volleyball too – there have been some amazing rallies. Table tennis too. I guess what I’m saying is even though I was pretty sceptical about the Olympics – I don’t think I have bothered to even follow them at all since they were in Barcelona in 1996 (I think), although I was excited about the Olympic babes – they’re turning out to be a blast and I’m really enjoying the coverage of all the events on the BBC.
However, even though I’m fairly excited about them this doesn’t compare anywhere near to the excitement that Samuel L. Jackson is projecting about them. I don’t know how long Samuel L. Jackson has had a twitter for but he is going crazy during the Olympics, seemingly tweeting about 50 tweets a day concerning the events. And they’re pretty fucking hilarious. He also has uses ten different variations on the spelling of motherfucker in them which are literally ridiculous. Critically, Samuel L Jackson is also a verified twitter user so this isn’t just some dumbass fake account that is doing all these tweets for LOLZ, this is 100% legitimately Samuel L Jackson, which makes it all the more hilarious. He’s probably been smoking that Hulk weed that he was endorsing a few months ago.
We suggest you start following him ASAP, but here are some of his best efforts so far. I was gonna screengrab them but that shit takes way too long so my apologies. For extra fun, try saying them in your best Samuel L Jackson voice with your friends. If you want to follow Samuel L Jackson on twitter check it out HERE. There are a few themes cropping up in his tweets, which is how I’ve grouped them below:
He seems to love all the Olympic sports, but has a real soft spot for swimming:
‘Mmmmmmm, Grudge Swim comin’ up! Izzat gangster?’
‘Just so ya know,looking forward to MIKE P going knee deep in ALL THAT ASS in the 200 FLY!!!! Go USA!’
‘Great women’s 400 Freestyle….5 more meters & we’da caught dat French Ass!’
‘BUTTAFUQQINFLY WORLD RECORD!!!! Dayummmm! Go USA!’
‘Hey y’all, more Water Polo dopeness!US vs Hungary, HOTTNESS in a shoot out!!’
‘Water Polo!!! As dope as always! Speed, tuffness, durability. STRONG SWIMMAFOUGKAHZ!’
He’s also pretty down with asking people their opinions on twitter, in a typically badass comedic way:
‘Who y’all got for that Badminton GOLD?!’
‘Now, for that Field Hockey Gold….how we feelin’? Speak up MUFEXPERTFUKKUHZ!’
He also likes seeing athletes hurt themselves:
‘OK, shit that makes us feel good. That Chinese gymnast FACEPLANTED! Another reason it’s not just good enuf to compete!’
‘That Japanese Superman dudes’ cape keeps gettin’ caught shit! 3falls, 3events! These gymnastics gonna be good for Thrills & Laffs!’
‘Mikulak, USA, just missed the parallel bar & body slammed himself! DAMN!!!’
‘Massive German Facial on high bar! OUCH like a MUPFUGGUH!!’
He’s not down with the judging system and knows that it’s screwed up and the judges are making really bad calls in almost everything:
‘Americans getting BONED on Sync Diving scores!’
‘SEVENTYFUKKINTWO??!!!!! Really??!! And that Canadian dive was ALL Fucked Up!’
‘Dope Ass start for the women gymnasts! Feeling’ good about our chances! These “judgement” sports are sketchy…@ best!’
‘Ahhight!! Good MUPFUGHKEAN Beamin’!! Looking’ solid. Still wanna put foot to those judges asses though!’
‘That was NOT a handstand, more like a handSplit! UK gets JACKED by judges!’
A lot of his tweets don’t make any sense or are too ghetto/stupid to really be take seriously:
‘Whattup?! Just watched US get BADMUHFOUGHCCENMINTON beatdown fron So ko!’
‘So Ko has a BLIND archer! WTF!! US took them down!! US vs Italy for team GOLD!’
‘So, men’s gymnastic team rocked! Let’s cheer these girls thru too! USA GYMUPHUGGINASTERS!!!’
‘Woke up to 16 yr old Ariel Hsing dusting ass in Ping Pong for USA!! btw, when did BB gun become an Olympic sport?’
‘Looking like the Poles didn’t get the memo about these US Beachballers! They got their brooms out, bout to SWEEP!’
‘Oooops! Somebody took somebody for granted & got SERVED!!!’
‘I’m baaaaaack! Thanks for the updates! WTF’s up w/ the Gymnast dudes?! The big stage is eating that ASS!’
‘Looking like the Chinese wz just laying’ low till it counted! They goin’ NINJA….if that’s possible…..for a…u no what I mean!’
‘Homie SAT DOWN on the horse! For reals…they look scared!
8542 
117 
