Unfortunately this isn’t a post about a stupid drunk text sent by Paris Hilton. Instead it’s about the new ‘song’ she’s featured on. Drunk Text is a kick in the face to the music industry, and when you listen to it, you might want to cover your ears, or risk feeling like they’ve been mugged. And if you haven’t heard it yet, I am so, so sorry for bringing your attention to it.

The basis for the song is funnily enough, about a drunken text. Paris Hilton, in her sweet little-girl voice, talks all the words over a club beat. No, there is no singing. Maybe you’re still clinging on to hope though. Maybe you’re thinking ‘well let’s not be too hard on her, maybe she’s got some lyrical genius going on.’

Wrong! Let’s take a little look at the lyrics quickly.

Behind my eyes, I was begging for

Things my lips could never ask

He asked me if he could text me later

After the club

He hands me another shot of vodka

And I say, sure

I’m on the dance floor when I get a text from Adam

I’m too lazy to type, so I send him a photo I took up a dancer’s skirt

And tell him to come and get it

It’s a hot mess of misspelled obscenities

Body parts, questions

I’m not sure what he means to ask

Basically, the moral of this story is that you can be a bit of a slut, so long as you’re already drunk and accepting more drinks from random men.

Promise me one thing, Sick Chirpse readers? Before you watch this, get yourself a drink (even if it’s early morning). You’ll need it.