Let’s Make Louis Theroux Our Next Prime Minister
Ever since Brexit, the state of UK politics has been like watching a theatrical French farce unfold before our eyes.
Firstly our custard-filled, war song humming PM David Cameron got the fuck out of Downing Street before Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage stepped down despite getting exactly what they were campaigning for.
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And if that wasn’t baffling enough, while the party heads and Leave advocates were dropping like tie-wearing flies, our now current head is a woman who would quite happily nuke 100,000 innocent people if she had to and the nation even considered a man who drinks water and claps like an absolute psychopath.
Then in the wider picture, we’ve had the endless bombings, shootings, police attacks and terrorist threats. Come on world, can you give it a rest? You’ve become more turbulent than a porn star’s STD results.
What we need is a little bit of stability – a leader who can help us in a time of need. Someone who is witty, dashing, grounded; someone who is loved by all. (No it’s not Jeremy Corbyn – people seem to have a lot of beef with him for some reason.)
We’re talking about one of the most, if not THE most, loved man in the UK: Louis Theroux.
Now I know it sounds crazy, but stick with me. I know we could be onto something here. Here’s why Louis Theroux is the absolute ideal Prime Minister candidate:
He’s Got A Better Hold On Society Than All MPs Combined
While Louis is better known for sitting awkwardly amongst a swinger’s party or getting sized up by a prostitute, he’s actually had an incredibly diverse journalistic and cultural background.
Before his documentary days, Louis went to uni at Westminster (which means he’s super smart) and yes, while he was friends with the spineless man sack Nick Clegg, he’s also worked with the likes of Michael Moore and has a history with the high brow US publications ‘The Spy’ and ‘Metro Silicon Valley’. Plus he’s interviewed pretty much every sub-genre of person in the world with a (mostly) subjective temperament.
He’s not a man of the people, he’s THE man of the people, which is pretty much the complete opposite to the bumbling ‘Thick Of It’ parodies who try to pass themselves off as actual people.
Everyone Loves Him Already
Who the fuck doesn’t love Louis Theroux? I’d like to meet one person in this world who doesn’t think he is a fucking legend because they straight up deserve a punch to the face.
He not only squares up and intellectually questions inept members of society (remember those Nazi bastards?) but he also deals with those who require help in the most sensitive way possible. Not to mention he’s got some next level rapping skills:
Oh Louis, did we mention we love you?
He’s Got More Sex Appeal Than Justin Trudeau
OK, maybe not MORE sex appeal. But if he became Prime Minister he would be a damn sight more charming than the pond life that currently reside in the Houses of Parliament.
As everyone says, he’s the ‘thinking woman’s crumpet’. He’s sexy, he’s smart, he swings to the left – he’s the closest thing we’ll get to the pillar of Canadian pride that is Justin Trudeau. Whenever I see that guy swinging around at Canada’s Gay Pride, or ruthlessly shutting down inequality, I can’t help but feel jealous that we don’t have a similar figure.
If Louis were our leader, we wouldn’t have to feel jealous anymore. Just like Justin, Louis is all for equality, freedom, feminism and diversity. Let’s make this a reality guys.
He Could Shut Down Every Douchbag MP With One Look
The famous non-threatening yet ruthlessly judgmental Louis look – you know, the one that pretty much shuts down any racist, bigot, sexist, homophobic, offensive, immoral and ignorant person as completely uncivilised. Just imagine seeing Louis do that to the likes of someone like Nigel Farage.
And if you don’t agree with anything I’ve just said, and you want to keep Theresa May in as PM (yeah right), then just watch this video of Louis dancing with Adam & Joe to ‘Groove is in the Heart’ and then get back to me: