I’m sure I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know when I say that sales can make people do some crazy things.
It happens all the time. If you’ve ever been in a Tesco store in the late hours of the evening when they reduce all of their fresh goods that are about to go out of date, you’ll also already know that people will not hesitate to Holly Holm the fuck out of an old lady’s jaw for a half-price yoghurt.
I’ve seen it first hand and it isn’t pretty, but I like yoghurt alright? Sue me. The old lady already did.
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Something about a bargain just sees human morality fly out of the window. People become possessed like ruthless savages who will stop at nothing to save 10% on a toaster that they didn’t realise they wanted until 5am that morning.
And companies know this. They’ve been exploiting consumer greed for years over in the US, and now they seem to have finally cottoned onto it in the UK, too. Black Friday’s been kicking about for a couple of years this side of the Atlantic, but for some reason every fucker and his uncle seems to have jumped on the bandwagon this time round.
It’s pretty much all I’ve heard about for the past few days and to be honest, it seems pretty stupid and intended solely for the gullible with deep pockets. Although, maybe that’s just because I’m jealous that people have disposable cash to spare on discounted ironing boards while I’m trying to survive the famine until payday.
It’s the mindless rage that’s worse than the mindless buying. That’s what really puts a downer on the whole thing for me. We don’t need that negativity in the world, why can’t we all just be friends?
Luckily, the UK seem to have maintained some sense of decorum so far. The same cannot be said, however, for this particular lady, believed to be from Saginaw, Michigan.
The unnamed woman decided that she desperately needed a reduced vegetable steamer, as we all do from time to time. She needed it so much so, in fact, that her need justified snatching it from the small and innocent hands of a child.
Now, what confuses me most about this video is that people are LITERALLY falling over themselves to get hold of a cheap vegetable steamer. I don’t even know what a vegetable steamer is to be completely honest.
I don’t like vegetables and I’ve never used one (a steamer not a vegetable), but if I had to hazard a guess I would presume it’s a device which steams vegetables. Why anyone would want one of those in the first place, let alone enough to warrant jumping into a pile of the things and recruiting a child to hold one for you because you’re already carrying more than you can handle is beyond me.
Side note: I want to commend the mother of the child for how long she managed to hang onto 2 of the large boxes whilst simultaneously trying to get the thief into a headlock. Clearly she does this often and has become a master at her craft.
Also, let’s just take a moment to admire the acting skills of the woman who snatched the vegetable steamer from the kid. She went from being a 10 out of 10 villain, hurling children out of her path in her quest to steam broccoli as efficiently as modern technology will allow, into a victim screaming:
Get off of me. Why are you being so aggressive? You’re scaring me.
And it was completely effortless, as well. She deserves an Oscar for that performance. I couldn’t even figure out what was going on the first time I watched it – she was that convincing.
Now some people have called ‘fake’ on this video, and I’m inclined to agree. I certainly hope it’s fake, otherwise we’re more doomed than I thought. Or at least the state of Michigan is, anyway.
If it is true though, shame on that woman. If you’re going to abuse children, at least do it by getting them drunk and high as fuck.