We’re no strangers to some bizarre weddings here at Sick Chirpse. Whether it’s marrying a sex doll, tying the knot with your father’s lookalike, or offering up your virginity after getting hitched to the lord saviour, Jesus Christ. We’ve seen them all. But this latest one may just be the weirdest yet.
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We all love a pizza when we’re hanging like a motherfucker, but one 22 year old Russian man who wishes to remain unnamed (I can’t imagine why) took things to another level. Allegedly marrying a pizza after becoming bored of the single life.
Describing his struggle to find a relationship, he said:
Love between two humans is a complicated wild thing.
Pizza would not reject you or betray you, and speaking quite frankly and sincerely, I love it.
True say, big man. For real, that’s so deep, I feel ya.
So he doesn’t want to be named but he’s happy to pose for photos with his ‘bride’? Although, maybe he just wanted something to remember her by after he slices the bitch up and devours her, hopefully not in a sexual way (but there’s clearly no telling with him, look at that dirty grin).
Russia don’t approve of their love, though. They refused to officiate the marriage and for some strange reason no church would host the ceremony either.
Naturally, this fucking oddball wasn’t having any of it. He wasn’t going to let Putin stand between him, his pepperoni and true love. He did what any (in)sane person would do in the situation – contacted his local pizzeria and had the chefs and managers witness what was probably the most fucked up thing they’ve ever seen in their restaurant. The staff got right into it as well, they even presented the happy couple with a fake wedding certificate.
There’s been no word yet on their honey moon, but I reckon it was something Hawaiian. This guy isn’t the only nutcase that loves a slice of the doughy stuff either, he definitely gives this bloke a good run for his money.