Songs In The Key Of Masturbation

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Some subtle, some showy and some that are just down right fvcking dirty…the songs that pay homage to masturbation.

From the boys that brought you songs your mum likes that are really about heroin and the best music video cameos ever and warned you about Idris Elba’s rap debut comes Songs In The Name Of Masturbation.

You’re probably sitting there, scratching your head wondering just how many songs could possibly be about aiding and abetting a known felonwell allow us to tell you – quite a few.

Some subtle, some showy and some that are just down right dirty but all in their own way a homage to choking the sheriff and waiting for the posse to come.

The Violent Femmes – Blister In The Sun (1983)

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“Body and beats I stain my sheets I don’t even know why
My girlfriend she’s at the end she is starting to cry
(Chorus)Let me go on like I blister in the sun,
Let me go on big hands I know you’re the one…

The Femmes didn’t want this one slipping through the net so they made sure to cast a massive wanker as the main part of their video – cue John “Grosse Point Skank” Cusack. They leave nothing to the imagination as they manage to encapsulate everything it is to be a teenage wanker. Heart racing. Sheets covered in your own cum. Girlfriend sobbing her tits off at the end of the bed cos she’s only 14 and just isn’t ready to put out – especially for her stoner boyfriend. As for the blister portion of the song: either they’re hitting it so hard that the little one is cracking under the pressure or they are fighting the good fight and crimping the wire al fresco for the whole world to see see…at least they’re putting those big hands to use.

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