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Let’s go…

P.K.

When I was about 14 I shaved my pubes for no real reason. One day my gym teacher called me over after I’d been in the showers and told me he was referring me to the school GP because wasn’t “developing”. At the time I thought he meant sports-wise or something. Anyway when my parents spoke to him he said there were signs I hadn’t yet hit puberty which was worrying at my age. I realised he was referring to my shaved pubes. In the end I had to go to the GP because I didn’t want my dad knowing I used his razor to shave my pubes

INDIGO

Me and my girlfriend love posting xxx pics of her on amateur porn sites and reading all the comments guys leave for her. It really gets us going!

THE PIE POKER

One of my best mates got married a couple years back. Me and my other best mate were ushers and had to stand up the front. After the ceremony was over and everyone left, we noticed that there was a toilet hidden to the side of the pulpit. Like the good Christian lads that we are, we both went straight into the toilet and done a fat line of Coke each.

MALIBU_MAN

I banged a girl while on LSD and it was the weirdest experience ever. I kept having to stop and pull out because I thought my dick was getting permanently glued inside her vagina then when I finally came I thought my dick had blown off my body. I even checked my privates in a panic the next morning after finally getting some sleep.

[no name]

Smoked a spliff in my back garden one morning on my day off, 45 mins later a police van was outside of my house and I heard a knock on my door. Too freaked out I pretended I wasn’t home. Couple of days later they came back and returned the bike I had reported stolen 3 weeks ago.

AKCHAN123

An Instagram model I follow who I don’t know in real life recently starting posting pictures with her new boyfriend, it’s genuinely fxcked me up

TIMMYHOOD

I had big time diarrhoea that sounded funny when I was in the toilet the other day. As I was stuck on the shitter for a while I thought it would be great if I recorded my diarrhoea fart sounds on my phone. I put the phone slightly behind my arse and let rip, and ended up shitting all over my phone. Couldn’t stop laughing.

2WIPEJOHNNY

Whenever I cuss the Kardashians or Real Housewives of wherever my girlfriend always starts defending them and saying the only reason people hate them is because they’re jealous of their lifestyles. I love my girlfriend but don’t know if I can see myself being with someone who thinks this way

CALMBABY

The other day I sat on a wet towel on my bed for 43 minutes staring at the wall. I think I might be autistic or something.

THEREALESTENIGMA

Sometimes I just imagine myself laughing hysterically and driving off a bridge going 100 mph on my way to work.

DANNY ROOTS

5 years ago I was at a wedding and naturally got hammered. The wedding reception was over and the bar was closing but me and some mates still wanted to drink. So we snuck into the kitchen of the hotel snatched a few bottles of champagne and I grabbed a cake I found in the walk in fridge. Next day I wake up on the floor with my suit on and covered in icing. I’m confused for a sec but then vaguely remember taking the cake. I see the cake next to me and its partially eaten but I can still make out the writing on it, which says something like “Jennifer and Matthew, Always and Forever, 4-12-2016”. It was a cake for a wedding at the hotel later that night. I felt terrible and if I ever get married I deserve something terrible to happen to me on my wedding day.

BIG LOAD 93

I used to do shared lifts with some girl from my school. I got horny one time in the back and had a wank under my jacket over her mum, looking at her in the mirror.

N.8.D.G

My old bathroom had a lightswitch that when you turned it on, it would always give you an electric shock. I was too lazy to get it fixed and instead rationalised it as a good way to give myself a little shock in the morning to wake up before work. Now sometimes when I turn on a random lightswitch I get a phantom shock throughout my body.

RUDO

I used to think the phrase “prima donna” meant “pre-Madonna” as in the days before Madonna became famous

[NO NAME]

My first job was at McDonalds. I was 16 years old. A few months in, I grabbed a sleeve of lids that were on a high rack. The plastic sleeve got caught and when I pulled, it tore open and about half the lids fell out down into the fry vat. No one saw, I didn’t say a word

BIFFKENNINGTONIII

I had a wank in the shower the other day right before my wife tried to surprise me with a BJ. She tried for about 5 minutes to try get me hard and couldn’t, she looked like a bird trying to pull a worm out of the ground. I tried but just couldn’t get hard and eventually had to tell her the true reason. Let’s just say she’s wasn’t impressed

JDIDDLY

I think I’d be a lot more successful in life if my cock was just two inches bigger

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See you next Friday!