Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #303

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Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on FacebookTwitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

ANON

I lost my virginity to a girl who, let’s just say… her face would launch less than a thousand ships.  So I lied to everyone that I was still a virgin for a whole year until I had sex with a decent looking girl at uni.

MY CONFESSION

I was running up the stairs at my girlfriend’s house and smashed my toe against the stairs, screaming in pain and taking far too long to fully recover. Her dad now thinks I’m the biggest p*ssy on Earth and don’t know what manly act I’m going to have to commit to make it up to him

BUSCOWARD

I got started on by a couple of school kids (13 or 14 yrs maybe) on the bus for no reason. I ignored them the whole time but as I left the bus one of them pulled me back from my backpack. That’s when I snapped and turned and yelled at him “what the FUCKS wrong with you?”…. he was not scared at all. People broke us up and I’m glad they did because I think he would have kicked my ass. I’m 25.

[NO NAME]

The girl I’m in love with at work has a long-term boyfriend who is superior to me in every way. I know we will never be together but we have a good friendship and she calls me her “work husband”. FML.

DENIZ

I’ve been depressed for over 10 years.

USHERSCONFESSION

At a house party when I was 14 I went through someone’s things and stole their iPod. The following school day this person brought their sister’s skinhead boyfriend to school and he ended up headbutting my mate who everyone suspected took the iPod. I kept my mouth shut and still feel kind of guilty about it.

[NO NAME]

I once hooked up with a girl and afterwards she literally went ‘well that wasn’t very good’. Crushed my confidence and I haven’t really enjoyed sex since. So thanks for that.

PROCTOR

I told a homeless guy to have a good weekend and I’ve been torturing myself over how stupid that was ever since

SNAKE

When I was a horny little kid , I used to hang off doors and stair banisters and basically shag them cus if felt nice on my willy. Similar to climbing a rope in PE that used to get me going to. Luckily I haven’t grown up to be some weird furniture shagging sex pest.

DRUG_FREE

When I was younger I used to kiss my sister’s barbie on the lips hoping she’d come to life and be my girlfriend.

TYLER COURT_N1-6

I filed a complaint with my accommodation master at uni because there’s a security guard who keeps coming to door and chatting to me (I’ve gathered he just wants to perv on the girls that live with me – it’s an all-girl flat except for me). Now I can’t look him in the eye any time I see him on campus.

MRRIGHT

The fit bartender at my local found me on facebook and messaged me. She got my full name off my credit card. Ended up taking her out and back to mine and shagged all night. Then she ghosted me and just treats me like a regular customer at the pub. Now I’m wondering how many other guys she’s pulled the same move with.

MR NEPTUNE

I’m 29 years old and still dream of becoming a famous footballer one day.

[NO NAME]

When I was 11 I faked a sore tummy to get out of going to school – I was dreading a drama skit thing. I ramped up my complaints over the weekend. On Monday my mum kept me off school and took me to the GP, GP sent us straight to the hospital where I had my appendix removed.

TEEBOB

My dad’s pretty racist

BOYABOUTTOWN

I get irrationally angry when I join the end of a queue and then no ones stands behind me. Feels like I’m the biggest loser in the line.

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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).

See you next Friday!

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