Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.
Let’s go…
SERGEI
My girlfriend’s ex is a drug dealer who I heard through the grapevine was planning to bash me up when he saw me. Well I know he ran a pretty big operation so I called 999 and told them exactly where he lived and what he was up to. His court date’s sometime in 2023. Don’t mess with me motherfukka.
MHAL
I downloaded an internet history recovery app called Phone Rescue to find a porn I watched months ago.
MIGHTYMO
I was the best man at a wedding recently. At the bachelor party, the groom ate out, barebacked and came in the stripper (in front of all us). Pretty amazing to think his wife will probably never find out about that.
NILFORK
I’m going through a really tough time right now. The other day some random guy I was chatting to told me I look like I “have my life together”. Almost burst into tears in front of him.
LAIRDHAMILTON
My sister in the biggest slag in school and it’s not even close.
NEVERWINTER NITES
Went on holiday. Took my phone up to the rooftop pool. Sat in there for a full half hour before realising it was still in my pocket of my trunks. Got back to hotel room without reacting and acted like it had bricked completely randomly so i didnt have to explain to anyone that i was an idiot.
BUZKIL
I’m a 33 year old man. I matched with a 20 year old student on Tinder and travelled two hours on the train to have sex with her in her campus dorm. I’ve been back once more already. I’m pretty sure she’s just using me as practice (which is funny because I’m terrible at sex) but I’m not complaining.
MERLIN
My nan is old and has non stop calls from sales people trying to take advantage of her. When I’m there I answer the phone and tell them she recently died. Some of them don’t care but I feel bad because some react with genuine sadness.
NOTSOBIGDIPPER
Was having a blast one night on holiday with a big group of girls and guys but I went home early while everyone else went skinny dipping at the beach at 4am because I didn’t want them to see my tiny penis. Having a small cock will ruin your life.
KILLME
I thought my boyfriend was joking about his foot fetish until he showed me his Pornhub history, then told me to I should “start looking after your feet better”.
SCOTCH CROTCH
I legitimately woke up in a meeting once when I heard my boss’s voice say “is everyone sleeping back there?” I don’t think he actually thought anyone was sleeping
TUFF1110
When I was about 9 years old I was in the bath and got an erection. I got out and showed it to my mum because I was worried that something was horribly wrong. She told me it was nothing to worry about. That is the last time a female has seen my dick hard.
SECRETHOMO
Got gay with one of my best mates, haven’t openly talked about it, we both said we can’t remember the night but I’m pretty sure we can, it was weird and he’s got a girlfriend
YOUNG SPARKY
I came home from Tescos the other day and ran straight to the bathroom. I ripped off my jeans and sprayed faeces all over the wall, floor, toilet. It took half an hour to clean it all up. Really gotta lay off the curries.
DESTRUCTIVE ENEMY
I paid £150 for a handjob from the Chinese massage place after doing lines of coke all night. I need help.
ANONEMPLOYEE
My friend is usually the resident drinks-mixer at parties and always overdoes the alcohol/mixer ratio. One night we were leaving this house party on the second floor where the stairs to the ground floor were really steep and narrow. For some reason he tries running down the stairs to overtake me and trips up, smashing face first into the ground and knocking himself out. Loads of people were gathered round watching/taking pictures etc when suddenly you see this massive dark, wet spot start to form around his jeans and just grow and grow. Would have been funnier if I didn’t have to carry him home in his piss-soaked jeans.
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[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).
See you next Friday!
