With both their $100m Netflix and $20m Spotify deals dead in the water, we’re now getting some details of the terrible ideas that Harry & Meghan were pitching to network executives, and the liberties they were taking with both networks.

Spotify’s head of podcast innovation and monetisation Bill Simmons has been very forthcoming about it all, even calling the pair “f***ing grifters” and describing how Meghan wasn’t even present for some of the interviews on her own podcast:

How’s that for work ethic? 12 episodes, $20 million, and boom – see ya later! She didn’t even have to turn up to her own podcasts. You actually have to respect the audacity, on some level.

Still, that’s not as amusing as Prince Harry’s idea for a TV show in which he proposed that he could interview Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump and Mark Zuckerberg about childhood trauma and how it shaped them to be the adults they are today. As reported by Bloomberg:

Harry spoke with multiple producers and production houses, these people said, to discuss possible shows. Along the way, Harry listened to various ideas from others but mostly stuck by his own — including one about childhood trauma. The concept: Harry would interview a procession of controversial guests, such as Vladimir Putin, Mark Zuckerberg and Donald Trump, about their early formative years and how those experiences resulted in the adults they are today.

Harry also had an idea, the people said, for a show centered on fatherhood. Another one would have tackled major societal conversations episode by episode, ranging from climate change to religion. For the latter, Harry hoped to have Pope Francis on as a guest.

Amazing. Just think about for a second. Putin, Trump, Zuckerberg, the Pope. All putting their very busy schedules as warmongering tyrant, indicted presidential candidate, tech mogul, and religious leader of a billion people, to the side so they can chat about ‘childhood trauma’ with the king of childhood trauma, Prince Harry. What are they going to talk about exactly? Their mum telling them off? The school bully beating them up? All with a guy who’s so estranged from his family that they had him sitting with the peasants at his own dad’s coronation.

I somehow doubt Harry has any of these people’s numbers in his phone, so I guess he’s got such a massive sense of self worth that he though a) Netflix or Spotify would faciliate this for him and b) his dream guest list would be happy to appear. How delusional can you get?

Harry & Meghan also had a whole bunch of other projects either shelved, turned down completely, or still on standby. As per WSJ:

The graveyard of video projects they hoped to make includes an animated children’s show called “Pearl” that was canceled by Netflix, as well as at least two TV ideas that the streaming service rejected within the past year, people familiar with Harry and Meghan’s projects said. Netflix is unlikely to renew the couple’s deal, which runs through 2025, the people said. …

Archewell employees and associates say the company often lacks direction, and that its founders at times seem surprised by the work required to finish entertainment projects. Most potential initiatives, they said, follow a similar route: Big idea, subpar execution. …

[P]roposed projects seemed designed to replicate successful shows already on Netflix, such as a sitcom described as “Emily in Paris,” but about a man, and a family-friendly TV show about gay characters that felt similar to the fan favorite “Heartstopper.” Netflix said no to both, people familiar with the matter said. …

Harry and Meghan are also developing a TV show for Netflix called “Bad Manners” based on Miss Havisham, a Charles Dickens character from “Great Expectations.” The prequel would recast the lonely spinster as a strong woman living in a patriarchal society, though it is unclear whether the show will get a green light from Netflix.

Incredible. It might actually be dawning on these two that aside from sh*tting on the royal family, they don’t really have anything else to offer the entertainment world. S

o I guess it’s time for Harry to start writing Spare part 2, and maybe Meghan can go back to opening boxes on Deal or Not Deal? Yeah, fat chance.