CHIRPSES

OKCupid or OKStupid?

Ro Elfberg dives into the world of online dating and finds a treasure chest of creeps waiting for her.

My housemate recently had a date with someone from the site and I briefly thought that maybe there’s hope for us yet. He was into politics, so is she, he’s listed as bisexual, that’s ok, she’s an open-minded gal. She got back from the date and we were all eager to hear how it went “well he had a very mumbly northern accent so I didn’t really understand much that he said …but what I did hear him say, was that he was mainly a-sexual but if he did ever have sex, it was usually with men.” Brilliant. There is no hope for anyone. Ever. For humanity at all really.

I think the problem lies in the fact that Okcupid state that ‘Some things are like for like, E.G. two people who like scary movies are probably a good match.’ Which is a bullshit way of looking at things and determining compatibility. It may work on a computer but how can this possibly translate to real life, my most notable boyfriend was musical, I couldn’t play the triangle in tune if you held a gun to my head, I like reading stories, and he’s never read a fiction book in his life. This by no means meant we were not a ‘good match’. You can’t put things so one-dimensionally and state that if one person has an interest in something, they will automatically get on well with another person with the same interest. Another part of the algorithm makes a little more sense, for instance if you like being the centre of attention you are likely to get on poorly with someone else who also likes to be the centre of attention. Again though, this just can’t apply uniformly to every potential coupling, a wallflower does not always need an attention seeker? I’m sure this all works for some people or else it wouldn’t be one of the most popular internet dating sites in the USA, but the thought of putting the complex compatibility of two people down to a formula seems ludicrous to me. Whether this bothers you, all depends on what you want out of the site I suppose, if you are just looking to go on meaningless dates for the fun of it, and have some meaningless sex afterwards, then I suppose it’s quite a laugh, but the amount of shit you have to wade through to actually find someone you’d be willing to go on a date with, however meaningless, is so long and tiresome that it’s surely not worth it. A friend put it that ‘internet dating is like clubbing but without having to go out and spend money. You find someone you like the look of and chat to them with the hope of pulling. You never expect to find the love of your life at a club either.’ Which summarises it all rather nicely and means I don’t have to. I think this will be another failed attempt at connecting with other humans over the internet, I am a person who likes to meet someone, think they are awesome and then run around like a weirdo with them making up games and being naughty, rather than sitting in my house and sending messages to strangers, hoping that all the while they are not furiously masturbating over Badger porn as they message me back.

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