CHIRPSES

TV’s Sabrina Gets A Harsh Lesson In Reality When Her Kickstarter Project Sets A Record For Lowest Ever Take

Former child star Melissa Joan Hart has learned that Kickstarter projects don’t work out so well when nobody cares about them.

Melissa Joan Hart

Revisiting your youth is always a depressing experience.

The colours are less vivid, the geography more compacted, the smells and tastes dulled by time.

Also, in the case of old TV shows, it turns out that most of them were palpably shite.

☛ More TV Related Depression: Futurama Is Getting Cancelled

X-Men, for example, the early 90s cartoon that introduced a generation to the comic book mutants and primed the pump for a distinctly mixed bag of movies further down the line, looks shoddily drawn and poorly enacted to a modern audience, all bizarre angles and characters that constantly change heights:

 [yframe url=’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6kL2POd3Xa0′]

 If a series most people remember as being great looks that ropey, spare a thought for the filler material.

In particular, spare a thought for Clarissa Explains It All, a program which, on reflection, explained nothing.

In a time when kids’programming was becoming increasingly more edgy (ever notice that Rocko‘s Modern Life had a restaurant named Chokey Chicken?!), “Clarissa” was the kind of vanilla throwback in which nothing remotely memorable happened.

Sure, the main character had a pet crocodile, which was unusual, and her best friend Sam habitually broke into her room using a ladder, which was fairly illegal. A director’s cut episode where Sam is seen climbing into a teen girl’s bedroom window and shot by police was, sadly, never envisaged.

Overall, though, Clarissa raised more questions than it answered, as any show about a crocodile-owning shut-in and her stalker inevitably must. It’s best remembered by its target demographic as “something that was on TV,” much the same way as most of us remember the average weather report – sure, it was a thing, but it didn’t make much impact.

☛ Slightly more memorable TV: Dutch Daytime TV Presenter Drinks Milk From Woman’s Breast Live On Air (NSFW)

Star of the show Melissa Joan Hart, on the other hand, is a little less aware of her own shortcomings. Having gone on to star in the equally banal “Sabrina The Teenage Witch,” which dealt with lightweight teenage issues and not, say, the constant threat of being burned alive by the townsfolk, Hart largely dropped off the radar after her “teenage” persona became a little hard to support, being as she was in her thirties.

She made the news briefly after endorsing glove-named Mormon zillionaire Mitt Romney for president, but recently has decided to follow in the footsteps of Rob Thomas and Zach Braff by attempting to fund a pet project through crowd source website Kickstarter. She attempted to raise money for a new sitcom about a thirtysomething jilted woman’s attempts to find love in the blah blah, seriously, did she just throw darts at a book of clichés?!

The results have been less than glowing. In actual fact, they’ve made the news for all the wrong reasons, setting a record for an all-time-low take; Hart’s target of two million dollars fell short by, oh, about one million, nine hundred and forty nine thousand dollars.

Having raised an eye-wateringly unimpressive fifty-one grand, Hart has cancelled her project, which is probably for the best.

Still, maybe the right-wing, pushing-forty ex-child-star market all the kids are so crazy about will rescue her out of hunger for dull TV shows, eh?

☛ More Doomed Projects: Remember Plenty Of Fish? It’s About To Die A Slow Death By Stopping Members Having Sex

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