CHIRPSES

There’s A Huge Market For Making Overly Produced And Expensive Bar Mitzvah Videos

Cringe.

In a social media obsessed world full of Justin Biebers and Rebecca Blacks where a single clip could launch you to fame and success, filming your own YouTube video is the best way to make a decent lasting impression. Unsurprisingly the internet savvy tweens of today are all about trying to go viral to get the attention of their classmates and strangers online.

A couple of weeks ago a friend tagged me in a particularly cringeworthy but very well made musical bar mitzvah invite of a young lad and his mates spitting bars to the tune of Skepta’s “Shutdown” outside his parents’ big suburban house. Approximately every thirty seconds the grime cover makes reference to ‘Cheeky Nando’s’ which is typical seeing as the chain restaurant is essentially a delicious Mecca for the youth of today. Aside from the jarring image of clean cut kids acting like roadmen and the use of a particularly bad slur which you’d assume his Mum wouldn’t allow to be included, it’s pretty jokes.

The original unfortunately got deleted and can only be watched on this weird site called Animmex. Whilst trying to find a re-upload of Dylan’s Bar Mitzvah Time Now, we discovered an interesting phenomenon. Well-off Jewish kids were getting fairly highly produced bar and bat mitzvah entrance videos made for them and they’re absolutely amazing. Obviously our parents never loved us enough to throw us a massive coming of age party with our own custom intros so check out these ones we’ve found instead.

Presumably this is the real MTV presenter Lenay Dunn that pops out of the television but we honestly have no way of knowing if she’s just a very good lookalike. Having a bonafide celebrity appearance in your entrance video is definitely a fail-safe way to get people talking about your party.

A very bored Abbey desperately wishes to be a TV personality, with the help of her famous friend (and her parents’ for dishing out the cash to make this video) she gets to live her glamorous dream and star in her favourite shows including Glee and the Late Show With David Letterman. Watch out for the bit where she’s in a fake relationship with Justin Bieber.

Here’s another telly inspired edit. A kid named Harry is evidently a big fan of Impractical Jokers’ as he’s taken the place of Sal Vulcano, even having his head morphed creepily onto the actor’s body. Of course it would’ve been way more funny if all the pranks were real but imagine if a random child was giving a really rude best man’s speech, it’d be too much.

The original clip that this was taken from is pretty funny. As a punishment for being the loser on one of the challenges, Sal has to read an inappropriate toast at a wedding. The bride and groom are in on it but you can see some of the three hundred unsuspecting guests literally seethe with rage. It’s season three episode six if you’re interested.

This Seinfeld inspired entrance video speaks to me on a personal level. Scatter-brain Mackenzie has a reputation for losing almost anything including a library book from seven years ago and her brand new bat mitzvah outfit. Her Mum goes nuts and even uses the f-word before making it her mission to find the missing gown.

Spoiler alert: The twist is that she actually traded the dress for a lifetime supply of chicken Parmesan. What a top gal. If instead this was for pizza then I’d be giving away my entire wardrobe without a second thought.

Simon Elliot Studios has spent the last five years making a living from creating one of a kind bar and bat mitzvah entrance videos for the privileged youth, his YouTube channel is an absolute goldmine. This example is probably one of my favourites.

Instead of practicing his Hebrew, our mate Tyler just wants to kick back and watch the game. Fortunately a message appears on his laptop and instead of being more concerned that he could’ve just been hacked, he succumbs to his own curiosity and heads outside where a swanky limo takes him to a garage full where his friends are hanging out. They start messing around with cans of spray paint which with the power of producers somehow turns out to be a perfectly immaculate graffiti mural before heading out to party hard.

Stick with it because the best bit is the fake tattoo montage at the end.

Lela has high hopes for her bat mitzvah but after forking out on designer handbags and iPads for her sisters’ party, the family are forced to create a celebration on a budget (specifically $47.71) and her selfish sibling won’t even kindly lend her speakers for the night. Unfortunately she ends up partying in the musty garage with bongs and retirement banners for decorations whilst wearing a dress she’s made herself from scratch. Hopefully the actual festivities went down a little bit better than this.

If there’s anything we’ve learnt from this it’s that kids sure do love celebrity culture, TV and complaining. Their parents are also great sports for giving them this opportunity to look cool as fuck on their big day and it’s even better when they’re on board to a little bit of scripted acting too. It’s also crazy to know that there are entire production studios dedicated to churning out these entrance movies but it’s definitely better than accidentally hiring this awful cameraman who stupidly forgot to edit out his disgusting anti-semitic commentary from a wedding he filmed. Bleak.


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