The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did via our anonymous Sick Chirpse confessions box (also located under this post) – every Friday we’ll be posting the best ones.
Here are the best from this week:
I still use the five second rule as a waiter for guests food
I came inside a French girl on a school trip a few years back. She didn’t know my full name and we never spoke again, but I actually think it’s pretty cool I might have a bastard child in France somewhere
Yesterday I left my house to go to work and my neighbour was getting a pizza delivered at like 830am. I’ve never been more jealous of anyone in my life.
One night I was super horny and my boyfriend was sleeping next to me. I leaned over and got him going then jumped on and rode him like no tomorrow. He was very into it, bucking me over and over again but he still had his eyes closed and was quieter than normal. When I’d come he just sort of hugged me and rolled over onto his side so we both just fell asleep.
In the morning, when I asked why he hadn’t finished he didn’t remember and had no idea what I was going on about.
I basically raped him….
I’ve got a separate Instagram account that my girlfriend doesn’t know about where I just follow girls and models from around the world. I’m terrified I’ll one day forget to log into my normal account when we’re together
I haven’t masturbated in 3 days now and I’m beginning to worry about myself. Extremely out of character.
I pretend to read orders off my phone at McDonald’s so the server doesn’t judge me (I’m fat)
I’ve been watching a lot of BBW porn lately as I try to decide whether I’m attracted to the size 16 girl at work. She’s got a cute face and massive tits but it’s the gunt that worries me. I’ll keep you posted
When I was around 14 one of the hot girls at school left her gym bag open and her bra was right on top of everything. I stuffed it into my bag and took it home where I proceeded to wrap it around my dick and wank to completion. Good times.
I’ve had my phone on silent for nearly two years
Every day I have a 20 minute window of opportunity to wank while my wife takes the dog for a walk, and I use it every time
My girlfriend kisses her family on the lips and it really creeps me out, except for when she does it with her mum who’s a milfy 48 year old. There’s no way her mum doesn’t understand how a 21 year old’s brain works and a part of me thinks she wants a threesome with me and her daughter. I think about it all the time and it’s driving me crazy
I’ve lived at my house for 20 years and still confuse which drawer has underwear and which has socks
I won nearly £20,000 on the lottery in January and still haven’t told a soul
My girlfriend put the tip of her finger in my bum during a blowjob the other day… Told her to go deeper and felt extremely gay for saying it. But then she pushed half her finger in there and I came like a fucking fountain. Highly recommended
I always piss in the shower at the gym
Once I asked for the number of a girl that served me at a drive through. She smiled and said OK then went off to grab a pen. As I see her coming back her manager (big pissed off woman) comes to the window and says “What’s wrong with you! She’s 16!” I drove off without my food
My lack of Tinder matches has seriously crushed my confidence. Guess I’m not as good looking as I thought
The way cum changes form in the shower really blows my mind. It doesn’t wash off, it just turns into Spiderman’s Web and goes everywhere
I got out of work early today and lied to my girlfriend because she always leaves her work early when I do. So basically I’ve been getting drunk on my own for a few hours now and she’ll be home soon. Not sure how am going to explain this one to her but truthfully, I’m beyond giving a fuck
Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.
Get involved and submit your confession(s) for next week: