LIFE

Sick Chirpse Reader Confessions #54

Admit what you did.

The best way to clear your conscience before the weekend is to admit what you did by e-mailing your Confessions into [email protected] (our submissions box is fucked atm but don’t worry, it’s completely anonymous) — every Friday we’ll be posting the best ones.

Here are the best from this week:

P.S. We updated the site this week and somehow most Confessions you guys submitted got completely erased. Sorry about that. Did manage to salvage some of them though, enjoy.

—-

pc

retiredmule

I think people who are overly politically correct are a bigger threat to our freedom than ISIS

urinals

rollosnk

Recently in a club I went to the toilet to take a piss and someone was taking a massive shit, so a guy at the urinal said “who the hell takes a shit on a night out”. The guy taking a shit shouted “you think I want to take a shit on a night out you prick? I was desperate” They kept arguing and eventually the guy came out and they almost had an actual fight literally arguing over shit. It was so funny

aw

whiteblob

Already texted a girl off AdultWork for later tonight. All about setting them up early so they don’t get booked up

ded

unlywanted

I’m dead inside

cashier

benn

Sometimes when I fancy a girl working at the till in any shop I touch her hand when giving my credit card to see if there’s a connection

roach

Themek

I use my dad’s business cards as roach for my spliffs

uni

matjw

I’m 24 years old and in my first year of uni ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

ts

gbbrighton

I have nothing against gay people but trannies do creep me out a little bit. I don’t understand why people have a problem with this. I don’t dislike them, I just think they look very weird most of the time. Why does that make me a bad person?

car

Oli3383883

I always seem to pull the door handle in any person’s car before they’ve had a chance to unlock the doors

boss

yousou

Went out with my boss and learned he’s a real ladies man despite being 30 years older than me. He asked me about girls I’m shagging seeing as I’m young and I made something up on the spot about having a girl lined up for Friday. I already have a story prepared for Monday in case he asks how it went (we banged obviously)

oh

Dow81

I suffered with autocorrect on my phone for months before finally going into Settings and turning it off. It really is that simple.

boots

vulgarius

My girlfriend works at Boots and refers to her customers as ‘clients’ and it makes me so angry

bw

milltide

I feel disappointed in white porn actresses whenever I see them getting railed by black guys

Beautiful sad woman holding red love heart.

laurraA

When I met my boyfriend he seemed like a popular fun outgoing guy and 6 months in I see he’s a videogaming mummys boy with abandonment issues. It’s strange when you finally realise who someone is

spice

drcj

No matter how many times I shit my arsehole inside out I just can’t stop eating spicy food

tedtalk

aughey

Not really a confession but I’ve been watching a lot of TED Talks recently and some of them have really turned my life around. I recommend anyone reading to check them out

Well done guys and gals – you’ve done us proud. Well, maybe not proud. But thanks for submitting and if your confession didn’t feature, don’t sweat it – just submit a better one next time.

Get involved and submit your confession(s) for next week by e-mailing [email protected] (submissions box is fucked atm but don’t worry – it’s 100% anonymous) – see you next Friday.


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