The biggest dick move in the history of body art was revealed today as legendary dickhead Chris Brown showed off a tattoo of Rihanna’s beaten face. It is actually unfathomable that he would ever think this was a clever idea. Right up there with Joseph Fritzl getting a basement door tattooed on his biceps, Breezy (I hate myself a little more every time I write that) has found a new way to further his efforts in becoming the most detestable human being on this earth.
Chris and the rest of the Breezy team have claimed that the tat is merely a ‘random woman,’ and not Rihanna. Yeah, it’s clearly just a random woman. She just happens to look exactly like Rihanna, and has a bruised and bloody face that’s basically a direct copy of the widely distributed 2009 image of Rihanna. Here’s an image of the tattoo and Rihanna’s face and sure it isn’t the best quality but you can kind of tell that the tattoo is meant to at least RESEMBLE Rhi-Rhi herself:
In any case, Chris Brown was the guy who hit Rihanna remember and has a widely publicised love/hate relationship with him, so yeah Chris we totally believe you that it’s a random woman. Totally. Here’s a tip, if you are going to try and lie about something, probably better not to lie about something that has basically defined you as person in the eyes of 99% of the population. Does he even have a real PR team anymore? Someone should have warned him that his new tattoo idea is about as tasteful as getting a swastika on your chest.
Even Ed Norton thinks Chris’ tat is ‘a bit much.’
Maybe this is a new cultural phenomenon that Chris is championing? Branding your own body with crimes that you somehow got away with. In this spirit my next tattoo is going to be a huge bottle of ‘Oasis’ across my back to commemorate that time I accidentally stole a bottle of ‘Citrus Punch’ from Greggs in the Trafford Centre. I know what you are thinking, I’m a badass. But I’m prepared to be held accountable for my own actions, and a tat will hopefully remind me to be more careful and not forget to show the nice lady which soft drink I want so I can be charged properly. Oh yeah, and hopefully Chris will stop assaulting women too.
My cross to bear.
Here’s what some idiots said about it. Chris Brown could come into some of his fans houses and take a shit on their mothers lap and they would still be tweeting #TeamBreezy while it was happening.
I am so sick of hearing about Chris fucking Brown. It makes you loose hope in humanity when someone like that still have a career and be worth millions of dollars and be adored by legions of fans. Basically proves that if you make unimaginative and generic R&B you have free reign to punch women repeatedly in the face and your fans won’t give a shit. If you are member of team Breezy then do the world a favour and drink a bottle of bleach, stop once you start feeling dizzy. Don’t worry about the tummy ache that’s just your internal organs melting.
If you’re feeling sorry for Rihanna here’s a couple of links to her enjoying some better times: