Ever since Harambe the gorilla’s untimely death in May this year, the tributes and memes have been flooding in. Teenagers have been falling to the floor in desperate sobs, with the words, “Dicks out for Harambe,” whispering from their quivering lips. The world is still in mourning and it’s going to be a long time before the memory of Harambe starts to fade.
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But not too long ago, only a year in fact, it was quite a different story. The entire world was outraged by a different tragedy. One with equally as much injustice, but maybe not quite the same level of furor. Cecil the Lion anyone? Remember that guy? This majestic creature was similarly ripped from the hands of life soon before his time by American dentist Walter James Palmer. With the help of professional hunter Theo Bronkhorst of course.
Both of these stunning and god-like creatures may have been taken from our world far too soon. And yes, we may still mourn their lives like they were our own flesh and blood. But both have left behind a legacy that is stronger than Cecil’s dental record and more admirable than Harambe’s inner strength.
Question is, now they are both up in heaven, we have a debate that needs settling, if only for the closure. Which one of these legends would win in a fight? In fact, which one would win life full stop? Let’s have a look, shall we.
Cecil the Lion
The nature of Cecil’s death was enough to send the general public into overdrive. This 13-year-old lion was found dead on the outskirts of Zimbabwe’s Hwange National Park, skinned and beheaded after being fatally wounded by an arrow. Not the best way to die, no?
The tributes for Cecil soon came flooding in. People were fucking outraged. As a result, the hashtag #CecilTheLion rose to the top of the trending topics list on Twitter in the U.S. and his name was mentioned over 127,000 times during the first 24 hours of his death. In addition, the murderer (yes, MURDERER) Walter James Palmer’s Yelp page for his dentistry practice was inundated with hate mail and terrible reviews, such was the anger that his act had conjured up.
Having said that, as much as people were super pissed at the murder of their beloved head lion, no one was ready for what was to come just one year later.
Fame level: 3/5
In comes Harambe. This gorilla was shot dead one day after his 17th birthday when a four-year-old kid fell into his cage at Cincinnati Zoo. Although this was a tragic ordeal, I don’t think anyone was prepared for what was to come.
Since his death, Harambe’s status has become nothing short of god-like. His memory has been upheld and superbolised with countless memes, tributes, videos and pictures. Hell, he’s even neck-and-neck with the Green Party to become the next president of the United States.
Yes, “Dicks out for Harambe” are the words that refuse to leave anyone’s lips and it doesn’t look like the world’s love for this beautiful creature is fading. Harambe will forever exist as the greatest meme that ever there was.
Fame level: 5/5
Cecil the Lion
While Harambe had mad muscles, Cecil the Lion was head of his pack. Although male lions might be slow moving, they are defensive and more nomadic, meaning they have spent a lot of time hunting for themselves. I think if Cecil was faced with a gorilla, he would slash that thing to pieces, arm guns or not.
Another argument for the case of Cecil is that he was a free spirit; a wild animal. He had not been trapped by the coils of society and forced to live in a wired box his whole life. He walked, bred, loved and lived, all on his own four feet. Cecil was nature’s hunter through-and-through. That is, until he was shot down by a dentist of course.
Strength level: 4/5
Male gorillas do know how to fight – but it’s only to prove their male dominance. They’re sort of like the ‘Jersey Shore’ of the animal world. Not saying that Harambe was anything like Pauly D – he was a far more tasteful and intelligent creature than that.
But if it came down to it, I’m not entirely sure Harambe could stand his ground. He could probably beat his chest a bit and get Cecil riled up, but I would have no hesitation in placing my bets on Cecil’s agility over Harambe’s handsome physique.
Strength level: 2/5
Cecil the Lion
This stunning feline was pretty much ‘Next’ catalogue material. His flowing main, his golden fur, his blinding white teeth. The fact that anyone could ruthlessly behead this angelic creature is beyond me, which is one of the reasons people got so riled up about it. According to the Zimbabwe Conservation task force, “he was one of the most beautiful animals to look at.”
I’m sorry, I have to stop there to wipe the streaming tears from my eyes.
Beauty level: 4/5
Harambe’s good looks were something else – almost other worldly. He had a human side, a funny side, a serious side. You know that moment when you first fall in love, and you obsess over their perfect little characteristics? Well Harambe had all of those traits within him.
He was muscly, strong and had a gorgeous body of hair. This silverback could’ve modeled for a Japanese clothing line, he was so handsome. Harambe – you really were a stunner.
Beauty level: 5/5
Cecil the Lion: 11/15
It was close, but I think we knew right from the beginning that there was a clear winner. Harambe – you prevail all.
I just hope the two of them are up in heaven now. Not fighting, not battling, but embracing each other as two of the most admirable and stunning creatures that ever graced this earth. We love you Cecil and Harambe.
And now, for a far more bloodier battle, check out who would win in a fight – Chopper or Bronson?