GAMING

This Is A Video Game That You Control Using Your Vagina

It’s like playing Temple Run with your foo-foo

What a time to be alive; kids are getting arrested for potato-related crimes, people are getting their butts vacuumed to make their buns bigger and now there’s an gaming app that you can control using your foo-foo. The game can be downloaded straight to your smartphone and is likened to playing Temple Run with your front bottom, which is great news unless you don’t have a decent mobile or a vagina.

Nobody has ever told me this before and I’m suddenly feeling a lot more grateful towards my mother but apparently after women give birth, not only are they stuck with a baby forever but also their pelvic floor muscles get all jacked up causing incontinence and making sex less pleasurable. Exchanging my fully functioning pelvis for a screaming sack of skin that needs constant attention and could potentially grow up to be the next Adolf Hitler isn’t something I want to do any time soon but at least if I change my mind then the trusty SKEA will be there.

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The SKEA device is essentially a small vibrator and it syncs up wirelessly to your phone using Bluetooth. In one of the games, purposefully titled “Alice in Continent”, you play from the point of view of Alice whose path is constantly being barraged with obstacles. In order to control the jump function, you have to squeeze the apparatus from inside your body by using your pelvic muscles. The device tickles the user whenever it is squeezed and they’re currently looking at ways to enhance the motor for pleasurable purposes after numerous requests to ramp up the erotic functions on the vaginal joystick.

As well as the Alice in Wonderland themed game, they also have a Tetris inspired version and are in talks to create something similar to Flappy Bird that you can play in the same way. There was also a rumour going round about one day combining the SKEA technology with Oculus Rift to deliver a fully immersive experience. Evidently the makers of SKEA aren’t aiming to be the next massive video-game franchise, but at least it makes boring old Kegel exercises seem that little bit more entertaining. Who knows, maybe one day they’ll collaborate with Nintendo to make a Wii Fit for your genitals.

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