This is one of the best things ever. I’d say it’s even better than seeing those coldsore, crater-headed, Pete Burns-lookalike, STD-ridden slags slip and fall into puke on a Saturday night just as they’re about to nosh the non-existent cocks of roidhead bouncers off in the lane next to TigerTiger so they don’t have to pay the entry fee. Seeing those benefit-rinsers clatter into a big mound of the regurgitated remains of someone’s weekend fill really is top-notch, especially when they get back up and their legs and arse are covered in the acrid stuff and they start crying and sit down on the floor with their beef curtains hanging out like a cartoonified clam and the bouncer sucks his cock back in like a hoover sucking up spaghetti. Quality stuff. I love Saturdays.
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But, yeah, what you’re about to see and read about is even better than Saturday night sick slags. You wanna know why? Well, I’ll tell you. Grab a cold one and some roasted nuts and get yourself comfortable.
Everyone loves old-school arcade games and everyone loves beer. If you don’t, there’s something wrong with you and you need to liven up. I think the main reason why arcade games are so popular is because you can play really retro games and everyone likes pretending they’re retro sometimes (even though yourgGrandad sweater isn’t retro at all, you fucking hipster) and you can play against your boyz in arcades whilst checking out the girls and slugging a few back and you can play awesome games like Street Fighter or Time Crisis or Virtua Fighter or Sega Rally Championship instead of being bored in your place, playing something rubbish and admiring the cracked wallpaper that you need to get replaced.
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And, of course, beer is awesome, too. The perfect companion for any time of the day and for anywhere, a beer is well-known to soothe any lingering doubts and make everything better and give you the kick up the arse that you needed. The golden bubbles spiraling to the top of the fluffy clouds inside the glass, like little tornadoes, teasing you until you raise the glass and down the rustic liquid to your mouth and down it in one and go for another and another until you’re completely fucked-up makes beer a worldwide favourite. It’s a great chirpsing-aid as well.
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So, imagine if you could combine the two and play an old-school arcade game that gave you beer. It’d be pretty cool, right? Well, you don’t need to imagine it anymore because these mothers have been invented. Name: The Last Barfighter. Pretty epic.
The way the game works is that there ha tos be two players, who each place a cup under the dispensers on the machines and then they pick which character they want to play as and fight it out until there’s a winner. The game’s a bit like Mortal Kombat.
The winner gets beer dispensed into their cup while the loser has to go to the bar or watch the winner slug the beer down. The game also tells you to ‘DRINK YOUR BEER and GO TALK TO GIRLS’ which just signifies how completely awesome the thing is.
The game is part of a marketing campaign for Big Boss Brewing and they bring the machines to events where they try to promote their beer but I’d love if it I ever saw these machines come into arcades because I wouldn’t have to pay rent then and would waste all my money on playing a cool game while getting fucked-up at the same time and would live in the arcade until I died.
Check out the video of The Last Barfighter, you’ll wanna play it.