The Church Of Scientology Has A New Ad Campaign. It’s Hilarious.

Everyone’s favourite secrecy-shrouded religion and money-making machine needs some new recruits. Comedy ensues.

Those wacky Scientologists are at it again. The Hollywood-endorsed “religion” and highly profitable business model has been collecting celebrity devotees like they were Pokemon but has now set its sites on the general public with a brand spanking new ad campaign, which it hopes will encourage us all to join the Church and give our money to their fruity little cult. You may have already spotted this poster around the London Underground and elsewhere;

Sadly for them, it did little to sway me for a number of reasons, but mainly because I was too busy trying not to bust a gut laughing at it. Let’s take a closer look;

The first panel is the funniest, as it features some sort of hipster archetype who, with his eye-catching top, tattoos and expensive-looking glasses, is designated the “rebel”. I wear expensive glasses too! (getting those lenses thinned out was a bitch) Can I be a rebel please? I don’t have tattoos yet. Maybe I could get one of Tom Cruise.

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Next up is the “curious” one. I guess they could have used a more cuddly image denoting curiosity, like a picture of a cat looking into a bin or something, but unlike human beings, cats are unlikely candidates for the Church as they definitely have more sense. So instead we have a picture of a young man peering out from behind a door. What could he be looking at? Pigeons? An interpretative dance troupe? It actually looks like he is stalking someone, possibly a woman, because she hasn’t texted him back yet after he asked her out for cocktails.

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Here we have “the inquisitive”. Note that she is a pretty girl (because sex sells, more of that shortly) and note that because she is inquisitive, she is also probably wondering: “Why has everything suddenly turned blue?” and “Why does no-one else around me seem to notice?” The Church will help her find the answer! But she has to give them some money first. And possibly her ovaries as well.

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And lastly we have a stunning young woman, complete with lovely hair and azure blue eyes DARING us to “think for yourself.” But I can’t think for myself as this comely seductress is just so fricking hot that I have to sign up otherwise I won’t get to attend Scientology meetings with her and try it on at the pub afterwards. Though I bet she’ll probably friendzone me because the Thetans told her to or whatever.

And while it’s not directly related to the current ad campaign, here’s poor old John Sweeney losing his shit in spectacular fashion after being pushed to breaking point by Scientologists, who hassled the pants off of the award-winning journalist while he tried to make a documentary about them. Watch as the creepy PR guy from the Church maintains his eerily calm demeanour. Because he’s actually an alien;

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Scientology. Just say no.


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