Imagine hating something so much that you would willingly twat someone for not hating it as much as you do. I hate gherkins, I think they’re rubbish, but I’d sooner fuck one than make another human bleed just because they liked them. Equally I don’t like cricket but I’m not going to fight a team because I see them playing – and enjoying – such a shite sport. That’s life, mate.
Last week though, exactly this happened. The Portsmouth News ran the headline that you can see at the top of this article.
Whilst Mikquita Morgan (pictured above again) was in the garden giving two seagulls sardines, her 52-year-old neighbour, Allan King, barged into her home, threatened her and punched her FOUR times in the face.
Why? Well, Allan doesn’t like seagulls. Allan really doesn’t like them and if you like them, you’ve got a problem with Allan because he really fucking hates them.
If you will: Allan – the neighbour – stood stealthily and silent at his bedroom window, his rattling fingers parting the curtains just enough to see into next door’s garden. Like a dangerous, Lonsdale-wearing African lion, he patiently waits, biding his time and waiting for an opportune moment to pounce. All because he really hates seagulls.
Like a wandering, defenceless gazelle, Mikquita smiles because she’s at one with nature and she likes feeding the animals. But before she can serve her last bowl of sardines, she’s grabbed by an angry Allan who really hates seagulls. She slaps him away before he thumps her four times and darts.
Featured Image VIA
Speaking in a more-than-modest post-incident interview, Allan admits;
I realised I had gone a step too far and I was intelligent enough to take a step back, I felt I shouldn’t have done that.
‘That’ being hitting a female for giving two seagulls some sardines, ‘that’ being attacking and injuring someone because they like something you don’t. Well quite frankly Allan, ‘that’ is you being a cunt.
(Example, we really fucking hate avocados and want to ram the fact down your throats. Please read THIS immediately to hear our thoughts on the matter.)
Anyway, he was arrested on ‘suspicion’ of causing actual bodily harm but was later released after being handed a caution and fined £100 for his troubles.
We all hate things that other people like but don’t be a dick about it and don’t feed seagulls around Allan. He fucking hates them.
If you want to see some people who deserve to be knocked out getting their lights punched out then check out the video below: