Confessions is back! Send your confessions in at [email protected] or DM us on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. Everything we publish is 100% anonymous – just give an alias you’d like us to use.

Let’s go…

fleshnbone

Hooked up with a girl on Bumble a month ago. It’s gone well so far and I’m starting to really like her (meeting her tonight) but one small problem. I’m 34 in real life but my age on Bumble is 27 (she’s 24). I never thought it would be an issue because Bumble dates are usually a hook up or 2, but the way it’s going I need to break it to her that we have a ten year age gap. It’s not going to end well, is it?

[no name]

At the tail end of a wank, I have to get up from the bed, walk cock-in-hand to the bathroom and finish off into the sink. I catch myself in the mirror during climax and think “what a loser”.

yungsparky

I once had a one night stand at uni who told me she was a virgin 10 seconds after we already started having sex

ps5l

Dating someone with clinical depression is exhausting. My GF forgets to take her medication and becomes a completely different person. From weeks of being happy then out of the blue, a few days of wanting to kill herself or saying she doesn’t know if she wants to be with me. I’ve had enough.

iswhatitis

Was totally catfished by a girl who used old photos and was completely gross. Still ended up having sex at hers because I had nothing better to do. Suppose it’s all the same when the lights are off anyway.

[no name]

Bus driver here: if your bus unexpectedly terminates before reaching the end of the route for “operational reasons”, there is a better than even chance your bus driver has been forced to kick you all off while they bolt for a shit or piss.

mouthrape

I was mouth raped by my best mate when I was a teen. Basically I was taking a shit at his house when he and his brother burst in. His brother put me in a head lock while my mate stabbed me repeatedly in the mouth with his cock. It lasted about 15 seconds before they ran out laughing like schoolboys (which they were). We’re still mates but I now always poo with the door locked.

Wallahbingbong

Whenever a girl is friendly with me I assume she wants to have sex with me no matter how many times I’ve been proven wrong about it in the past

PissySchoolBoy

Went on a school trip to Poland when i was 15, obligatory trip to Auschwitz included. Got caught short needing a piss and couldn’t find the toilet. Ducked under a roper in a building ran down the stairs and pissed into a bottle and spilt most on the floor. Not my proudest moment

suppressed memories

I think I was molested by my uncle when I was 5. Not sure though.

julz

I had a drunken threesome with 2 boys at uni and I vaguely remember them filming it. The idea that this video is online somewhere has haunted me ever since.

Cooperberg

When I was younger I used to get the meanings of words mixed up a lot (still do). Anyway one summer we were in Canada and my dad’s dad had died so I would go to my grandma’s house and mow the garden for her. One day the neighbours approached me over the garden fence and started talking to me about who I was and whether I was staying with my nan while on holiday. I said “no, I just come for conjugal visits”, thinking conjugal meant casual or friendly. Years later I found out the meaning of the word and it explains everything about the change in atmosphere that day.

hemp man

I came home very drunk last week and threw up in the main room. Went to the kitchen to get some roll to clean it all up and on my return found the dog licking up all my puke. It was pretty gross.

bk95

I’m going to wank and drink alone all weekend instead of trying to be social and meet people and I’m super excited about it.

Badnerves

When I was twelve I nicked one of my friend’s mum’s cigarettes and when I smoked it I got a boner. six years later and I went through a period of only watching porn with girls smoking. I think I’ve got a fetish

Fairly_regretful

I had sex with a girl who was super charged on coke at my friend’s house party. We went to a bedroom where the lock didn’t work so she picked up the mattress on her own and slammed it against the door to keep everyone out. Then we had sex on the floor. Let’s just say she was definitely the dominant one in that session

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See you next Friday, you bunch of freaks.

[Send your confessions in at [email protected] or on our social media pages – don’t worry, we keep them 100% anonymous! Just send an alias if you want us to use one).