Now before we get started on this, I am very aware that Ainsley Harriott is an actual person and TV chef whereas Phil Mitchell is a fictional character from ‘Eastenders’. So for any of you who are thinking about moaning in the comments section that this concept doesn’t make sense, you can just stop right there.
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So anyway, now that’s out of the way we can commence with the battle of the Gods. Ainsley is pretty much an absolute immortal legend of our time (as proven HERE). He has been entertaining the UK with his cheeky on-screen persona for decades, starting off his TV career with the widely successful ‘Ready Steady Cook’. His unreal culinary skills, sexual charm and never-ceasing smile has made Ainsley a true national treasure. Oh yeah, and he’s not a paedo (as many TV presenters from the past are these days).
And then there’s Phil Mitchell. Where do we even begin? Something about this character resonates with the British public. His angry, red face, serious presence and severe alcohol addiction has made him the butt of many online jokes. Phil Mitchell is a relentless classic – ageless and bald, he has portrayed the same angry Londoner in ‘Eastenders’ for what feels like an eternity. Not that we’re complaining.
What brings these two legends together is their reliability and timelessness – they never have and never will cease to entertain the British public. Plus their meme games are defiantly strong. Question is, in a head-to-head battle, who would win? Well, that’s what we’re here to work out. Let’s go:
Well we need to start somewhere so what better place than with physical strength? Now in this light, Phil Mitchell (at least in the fictional world) is a real hard man. Despite his chronic alcoholism and unchiseled physique, this cockney geezer has been in a fight with pretty much everyone in the east end. Don’t believe me? Just check out the video below:
He might not be MMA trained but Phil Mitchell knows his way around a knuckle sandwich.
Physical strength: 4/5
Ainsley Harriott I’m not so sure about. This man is such a wonderful gem of a man that he wouldn’t be caught dead in a dirty street fight. Having said that, he’s no doubt a bit of a dark horse when it comes to strength. He has always been an advocate of combining exercise with a healthy, balanced diet. He’s the kind of guy I could imagine has been trained to the highest level of tai chi. He might not be the best at throwing a punch, but he could defend the fuck out of himself. Plus, with all that oil he’d be super slippery in battle, just like our buddy Charles Bronson was.
Physical strength: 3/5
Phil Mitchell might have the strongest meme game in the whole of the country. He’d already been made infamous by the giant nut face picture, but with the launch of Facebook page and website Utter Philth, we now have a plethora of Phil videos, photos, gifs and even pictures that would be considered a work of art. He’s the meme that keeps on giving.
Meme game: 5/5
Between Ainsley and Phil, this is a tough one. The Utter Philth ones are good – there’s no denying that. But Ainsley’s creepy smile and questionable love of cooking oil has been used to create a range of ‘rape face’ memes that rival Phil’s. Not to mention the specially made ‘Remainsley’ EU Referendum themed meme. What a classic.
Meme game: 4/5
What Phil lacks in variety he makes up in time. He has been terrorising the east end for 26 years now. Producer of ‘Eastenders’ decided to bring in some macho male leads back in 1990 and since day one Phil has not disappointed. The characters may come and go, but Phil will always remain, making him one of the most reliable characters on TV.
TV Presence: 4/5
Ainsley set out to be a TV chef from an early age and it’s safe to say he has not let himself down. Starting off as the resident chef on ‘Good Morning with Anne and Nick’ back in 1992, he then went on to be the main presenter of ‘Can’t Cook, Won’t Cook’ and ‘Ready Steady Cook’. This lead to a range of Ainsley-themed shows including ‘Ainsley’s Barbecue Bible’, ‘Ainsley’s Meals in Minutes’, ‘Ainsley’s Big Cook Out’ and ‘Ainsley’s Gourmet Express’. And he had a cameo role in ‘Red Dwarf’, not to mention his stint on ‘Strictly Come Dancing’. Phew. Yes, there’s not much Ainsley won’t put his hands to and with each and every role, he brings his cheeky character with him.
TV Presence: 5/5
Phil Mitchell: 13/15
Ainsley Harriott: 12/15
I think we all knew it was going to be a close one, but Phil Mitchell won by the skin of his whiskey-drenched teeth. Phil is the ultimate hard man of London and maybe even the whole country – obviously he had to win. Don’t worry though Ainsley – we still love you just as much as we did before.