It’s a well-known fact that everything Nic Cage does is more awesome than getting your bellend pierced. The guy can do no wrong and at Sick Chirpse he’s a bit of a hero. I can’t walk down the street anymore without a bunch of kids saying to each other: ‘I really want to be Nic Cage when I’m older,’ or ‘I walked into my mother’s room last night because I pissed the bed again and I caught her flicking her bean over a photo of Nic Cage.’ It’s fvcking mental. The guy could (should) take over the world and, in a way, I hope he does because the price of smokes and booze probably wouldn’t keep rising like Hugh Hefner’s chronically over-used, grey cock.
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Every movie the Cage has acted in brings swarms of people to cinemas worldwide. He’s bigger than Gandhi. People queue for days just to get a glimpse of the guy’s over-elongated landing strip (forehead) on the big screen and it’s not unknown for couples to divorce after they’ve seen a movie with Cage acting in because one sight of the guy has killed all love between man and wife and each of them want Cagey-boy for themselves. Without sharing so much as a nipple hair.
But this has shocked Sick Chirpse HQ to the core. It’s rotting us from the inside out and it’s burning our livers even more than our weekend’s fill. We’ve come across golden lost footage of Nic Cage acting in movies that we didn’t even know he was in, famous movies that we’ve watched before, that you should have watched before, and we can’t believe we didn’t notice or know the great man was in them in the first place. Check it:
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